A year ago...

I started this yesterday FYI...

This weekend... heading to Matt and Lauren's wedding!!!! 

We started our annual women's summer Bible study. I really love it a lot.  I feel like I'm able to grow and process what I'm learning when I'm not turning around and teaching it during the school year.  It's a time for me to soak it all in... I like that.

But on my way to Bible study... I was thinking about what was going the last time I headed to our first summer Bible study.  You can read my blog from exactly a year ago here.

A LOT has changed in a year. This time last year I...

• was just brought to my knees AGAIN over adoption at Student Life camp
• had not started the adoption process
• had not been to Belize
• had not been to Costa Rica
• had not yet gone through the waiting process of the adoption
• had not had the joy of Stephanie living with us yet
• did not know my girl Jubi
• DIDN'T KNOW THE SHIELD OF FAITH!!!! 
• He is who He says He is! 
• He can do what He says He can do!
• I am who God says I am! 
• I can do ALL things through Christ! 
• God's Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE IN ME! 
• was totally different... 

Literally... a year ago I was with my BFF Emily and I told her while I visiting her that Jacob and I had agreed that we would probably have a biological child first and then adopt.  We wanted to practice on our own genes before messing up "someone else's" child. We thought that might be a good idea...  HAHA. God is hilarious. 

This past year has been crazy... the wildest ride yet... the longest wait of my life... and the richest time in my relationship with Jesus. It has been a rollercoaster... and it's not over yet. I have learned so much... hard to put into words. I am truly a different gal than I was a year ago today. Here's 13 things I've learned while pursuing adoption of our 13-year old son:

#1 God's love towards me, towards us, is great! Like... He really loves us! He really wants to do good for us and through us.  You know the song, "Jesus loves me, this I know... for the Bible tells me so..."  It's truer that we can even fathom! HE LOVES US!
Praise the Lord, all you nations;

   extol him, all you peoples.

For great is his love toward us,

    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 117:1-2

#2 God is waiting too! I believe God hurts when we hurt and longs to give us things when it is good and is glad when we are glad. He is THE Good Father... and Good Daddies empathize with their children.  I know that God is just as excited to unite us with Eric and Ziggy as we are to have them in our home! And that, my friends, comforts me. 

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18

#3 God is faithful! So so so faithful! After this year and all He has been to me... REGARDLESS of what happens... I trust Him completely. He is completely good and completely faithful. He is perfect! He is love! 

He is the Rock, his works are perfect,

    and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
    upright and just is he.

Deuteronomy 32:4

#4 If He calls you to it, HE WILL DO IT! HELLO - He called Jacob and I to adopt... with no money... with no clue how to parent a teenager from a different country... to adopt the sweetest 13-year old from Belize.  He provided (and is still providing) the money, the encouragement, the struggle, and the rich resources. He called us to work hard and to pray with all our might... but MAN! our God provides!! WHEN He calls you to do something and you FOLLOW HIM... no doubt... all your needs will be met in INCREDIBLE ways! Try it... 

By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, ¹⁸ even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” ¹⁹ Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.

Hebrews 11:17-19

#5 I am NOT good at waiting... Yep... just not good at all.  When I think I am waiting... I am really just distracting myself with other things - Origami Owl, more projects, cleaning the house, traveling, etc... All are good... but all are my forms of "waiting"... oops. 

#6 The Bible gives me permission to be CRAZY!!! what what!! This is my verse!! I can't believe it took me 25 years to find it!!!! I think I want a tatoo of it!!! 

 If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.

2 Corinthians 5:13

#7 I am NOT in control. Yep... definitely not. And when I think I am in control... I go through puberty again and discover MOUNTAINS on my face that you may call pimples! Really... when I try to take over... I revert to 14-year old Anna... pimples and emotional instability! haha! 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth,     so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

#8 I am NOT all that & a bag of chips... I am to be selfLESS! Pride is an issue for me. I get into the mindset of striving for self-righteousness very easily. As ugly as it is judging others is a struggle for me. Loving others UNCONDITIONALLY and with ABANDON doesn't come naturally to me... I have to continually humble myself... ugh. Nothing... even the 'good' stuff... can be done with a prideful heart - not adoption, not Bible study, not serving in church, not being nice, not doing the Connection... NOTHING. Seek Him... THEN serve from the overflow... not from my pride... golly... when will I learn.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4

#9  I should NOT go and do until I KNOW God has blessed it! So... I have a lot of ideas... I mean a lot... it's really annoying to live in my mind. This year I have definitely learned STAY STILL until God pushes me. Jesus' ministry was successful because of His relationship with the Father. He didn't move until God said MOVE. He didn't speak until God said SPEAK. The highest form of intimacy and AWARENESS... that's what Jesus had. This verse from Isaiah (one of my fav passages) is prophesying about Jesus... God's anointing was ALL OVER Jesus' ministry.  I must WAIT (there's that word again) to ACT on my IDEAS. I have to dream the dreams/ideas of my Father. Hard to do...

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,...

Isaiah 61:1

#10 I REALLY REALLY like peanut butter... 'nuff said.

#11 FEAR steals our joy, distracts us from obedience, and is a lie. Yep. Fear... it's no good. It will absolutely paralyze you. When I live in the "what if's"... and the "how's"... I will sink. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

#12 I must seek His FACE... not His HAND!! ...AND NOT WORRY!

 IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM! I do not worship Him because of what He DOES for me... I worship Him because of WHO HE IS!!! PERIOD! If my relationship with Him is based on Him answering my prayers (the way I want Him to)... it's not a fulfilling relationship... it's a parasite relationship with Him... me getting and getting for only my satisfaction. YUCK...
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
³⁴ “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33-34

#13 He works on my/our behalf!!! I have learned... yes I have learned... that He works on my behalf even when I can't see it or feel it. He is working. He is fighting for me and my family... for ERIC and ZIGGY. He is fighting for every orphan on this planet. He is raising up His Church to be His hands and His family... but He is not sitting back and watching... HE IS A MIGHTY WARRIOR!!! 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

So... there you have it. It's been QUITE A YEAR! I hope a year from now I have tons of pictures of Eric and Ziggy and amazing testaments of how big my God is. BUT IF I DON'T... there will be much more learned and a much richer and deeper knowledge of my God. Either way... I trust Him. 

Learning and Living...

Hi there! 

Happy Wednesday!  So... I've been learning a LOT lately! I haven't been able to figure out how to say it all yet... but I am surely learning.  I guess when you stop throwing pity parties for yourself and start asking God to make your teachable... He does it. Not to say that I don't get sad or just miss my kiddos that live miles away... I'm just trying to learn through the tears and the thrills instead of dwelling in discouragement. 

Anywho... check out what we've been doing...

I love taking pictures that the Bible study girls can look back on and see where God has brought them. So... for the last Bible study of the year... I took pictures of the girls with a verse that they could cling to no matter what the future, or the past, held! Aren't they cool? 

Then... we graduated off some really great people...

And had a really great service to celebrate them...

I'm excited about our next group of seniors movin' on up! They are awesome too! Can't wait to eat lunch with EACH one of the girls this summer... that's my goal! 

Just a reminder... our dogs are ridiculous... Jubi is lounging... on a table... she's weird. She's gotten on the patio table and just laid there everyday this week... strange! 

This is how they greet us.  Yes... the black blob at the bottom is Jubi.

For Memorial Day weekend we got to spend time at the beach with Ashley and Jared.... it was fabulous!!! Love spending time with them... and JOHANNA!!!! 

Life is good. It's good to be taught. It's good to live and learn... to enjoy the moments in the waiting.  To be thankful for the here and now and excited about the future.  

worry or SEEK

I'm back... It's been a while.  Ya know... again... sometimes... you just don't want to blog! ha! 

I'm not going to fill you in on the past 3 weeks... that overwhelms me just thinking about it. Ha! And you prob don't care anyways.

BUT... we did have have a Women's Retreat at our church this weekend. It was truly AWESOME!!!! It really was. It just filled my heart so full! We had over 50 women come out for the weekend... to laugh and learn and eat and just be women! It was WONDERFUL! 

We called the weekend the "SEEK HIM FIRST" Women's retreat and we featured Sarah Ott as the speaker.  Check her out... she's AMAZING and loves the Lord like a dog loves a bone... literally! Her website is www.establishher.org! If you need a speaker for a youth girls/women event... she's your lady! 

I had the privilege of planning and leading this event with the other church staff's wives, Kelli and Dawn. 

They are amazing and I'm SO thankful for them! :) So cool how God gave each of us ideas for the weekend and He brought them all together! 

**Hope you like my sophisticated look in the spectacles!!! Was having MAJOR eyeball issues... probably due to lack o' sleep! 

Now... let me tell you what happened and how God just did IMMEASURABLY MORE than I asked or imagined... just in MY LIFE during the weekend.

So... last week I was beyond frazzled. I overbooked myself about 4 times over every night and day of the week. I was FREAKING out about the referral email from the adoption agency... hoping it would come and becoming SUPER anxious about it. I have done... OKAY... since we have sent our dossier while we are waiting for the infamous email.  BUT I did NOT do okay last week.  I was a nervous wreck and, honestly, angry at God. In my mind God was not showing up, He was not working on my behalf... and HE WAS LATE! I believed that if He was big enough He could get us that email if I prayed for it... and He hadn't.  YUCK! As ugly as all of this sounds that's where my heart was. I was believing that He was letting us down, that He Word says that He defends the fatherless and cares for the orphans so I was upset that I wasn't able to go get my kiddos NOW! I was angry and bitter. I was WORRIED and beyond anxious. I didn't even want to spend time with Him... that is so disgusting to even type. 

Over the weekend we broke down Matthew 6:33:

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

This is right after Matthew tells us not to worry about anything... Matthew 6 is pretty much the anxiety chapter. Don't worry... don't worry... over and over again.  And then He says... BUT (so instead of worrying) SEEK HIM FIRST!!! We are to SEEK Him in place of worrying.  Here was my big take away from the weekend that I will remember for the rest of my life:

Worry and SEEKING the LORD CANNOT coexist! 

Period! 

I am either WORRYING or I am SEEKING! 

When I am worrying, I am claiming that He isn't good or faithful... that He isn't even God. When we worry we aren't trusting! When we worry... we are claiming He is NOT who He says He is and He canNOT do what He says He can do! 

When we are SEEKING... we are taking our concerns to Him and truly TRUSTING Him... not just talking to Him about it! We are SEEKING HIM!!! HIS FACE! Not just His hand and His actions... but HIM!!! WHO He is! I do not need to focus on the WHAT... or even the HOW... only the WHO! 

Another thing I learned (I learned alot... I basically preached a whole sermon to Jacob and Stephanie after the first night of all the holy slaps in the face I received) is that the Bible is a means to an end.  JESUS is the END and the destination... memorization of Scripture and knowing the Word is only the avenue TO Him! 

We are to study the Word to know the Living Word! 

Many times I study the Bible to know... the Bible. I don't always study the Bible to know JESUS... and I am missing the main character in it all.  We are to know Him!  His Word is His heart in writing... but too often I get caught up in Bible study... and forsake resting in the author. 

This weekend was incredible... and so refreshing.

I can't wait until the next women's retreat! 

cOsTa RiCa!!!!!

Can I just say... 

I AM PUMPED ABOUT COSTA RICA!!!! 

We leave in one month and 2 days! That's nuts! I haven't talked about it much... because... honestly... I've been a little afraid of the trip. I have been fearful that we wouldn't raise the money, that I had no purpose in the trip, and that it wouldn't work out.  Gosh... I should learn the things I teach. In my head I knew God had it all under control... no problem for Him... but my heart had issues. 

BUT (isn't that a great word when you are talking about God working)... we had a meeting last night with the team... and OH WOW... God is so good. 

First... the money is coming in! We only have about $1,000 left to raise! That's it! That's huge considering at the beginning of January we were short about... $20,000! 

Second, my purpose issue... God totally slapped me in the face. We were talking about the schedule for the days we would be in the village (I'll explain in a bit), and guess what we get to do each morning! BIBLE STUDY WITH THE WOMEN!!! Yep! That is my heart and God is allowing us to do that first thing each morning! God knows me and He loves me and He knows exactly how to confirm that we are in the right place in personal ways.

Now... let me tell you where we are going and what we are doing.

We are going to a village on a mountain... Here's some info to give you some perspective:

*We have to hike 2 hours up a mountain in the rainforest after a 2 hour drive to the trail to even reach the village. We'll get to see toucans and monkeys on the path!!!! ...And we 'get to' carry backpacks up the mountain with all our junk in it... hmmm...
*The first time this tribe of people was reached with the Gospel was 2 years ago by a Swiss missionary.
*They do not truly know the concept of marriage - many of them just 'pair up' when they are 13-14 years old. 
*Many of the families have one man and many wives. The woman in the village feel very unloved and insignificant because of this.  Get this - God is going to use us to tell them and hopefully show them HOW MUCH they are loved by the King and Romancer of the universe!!! Yahoo! 
*The men work in the fields all day everyday and return back to the village each night.
*We have the privilege of leading youth Bible studies in the afternoons! This is exciting! We have the opportunity to talk with them about families - here on earth and the family of God! We get to speak truth into the next generation of leaders in the village!!! 
*There is a school in the village... aka a big enough building to fit all the children. 
*There is a church in the village.
*They have electricity and WIFI - I know we are just as surprised as you!
*We'll be sleeping in hammocks! We will wake up with chickens and horses staring at us.
*We get to play with beautiful kids in the afternoon!!!!!
*We MIGHT or might NOT get a shower. I'll be fine with my Baby Wipes! 

Now that you kind of know what we are going to be experiencing... HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!? 

It's pretty hilarious because none of us really knew what we were signing up for... we just wanted to be used... so we said YES! 
We got to see some pictures of the village yesterday (our team leader went down last week to set up our trip and sent us some pics). It's beautiful and heart breaking. We are all so excited about going... and nervous because we have know idea what we are doing! 

PLEASE be in prayer for us.  There's so much to pray. Just pray for God to take over in every way. That lives are changed. That we are humble servants. That we love each other and the villagers well. I know our parents and family would want us to pray for safety... and please do... but pray most of all that God is gloried... whatever that means.  

I love our team... absolutely love them! God is so smart when He puts mission teams together! Check us out (I know they'll appreciate the great pics): 

Our Amazing Team: 

my hubs and leader man... Jacob

Matt

Haley & Hunter

Kirsten

Stephanie & Presley

Will

Me & Caitlin 

Andrew

Austin

If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God..
2 Corinthians 5:13

stand firm... He says

Heavy hearts. Discouraged. No words. Shock. Craziness. and it's Christmas...

Things we are all hearing right now.  The last few weeks, our news stations, news feeds, and ears have been filled with horrendous events. 

My heart hasn't just felt this for a few days, but for a few months. Most of the time when I'm in a "funk," I don't know I'm in a funk until Jesus gives me a holy slap to the face.  Lately, I have KNOWN I'm in a funk... and on a quest for answers. 

At some points, I have thought a change in location would solve our problems.  A change in jobs. Something new. Something different. But... it's really just my heart. It needs revival and a kick back to the heart of the First Century Church! 

Sometimes I get disheartened because I don't see things happening the way I want them to happen - people get in the way, life gets busy, and people don't care.  But... God teaches me... o man... does He teach me. 

I am NOT doing this life for the applause of man. 

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10 

I have had to ask myself this many times this semester. Sometimes... my answer has been "Yea, I'm trying to please people. I want more people coming. I want Bible Study to be packed out. I want all the church members to be excited about the Connection and be pumped about all that's happening. Yes, I want more youth, more college... blah blah blah." Oh... my ugly heart. It's not about me. 

As a servant of Christ, I SHOULDN'T CARE. I do and I minister and I serve and I love because I am His servant and His hands and His feet. No other reason. Why do I forget that so often? 

Also... maybe somebody out there needs to read this... or maybe I just need to type it... who knows.  Anyways, while thinking about changing scenery (when I really needed to change my heart) I kept thinking about the disciples.  Jesus told them when they were going and spreading the Gospel, that if a town or people didn't accept them to move on.  I thought, 'Hey! that means if things aren't going well... we just leave.' Well, on the flip side... some the prophets in the Old Testament spent their ENTIRE lives preaching and teaching and proclaiming... with little to no change in the people. OUCH! Thinking about this... I know God was saying "ANNA... SHUT UP! SIT DOWN! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU THERE!" And I finally got it...

So, the disciples were on a mission to get the Word out to as many people as possible as fast as possible... the immediate spread of Christ's story.  The prophets were sent to tell and proclaim about something that would happen, to encourage, to admonish, to teach.  We better fit the prophets' roles. We KNOW great things are going to happen in Troy, Alabama. God has plans. God is on a mission. God is doing this in HIS timing.  We are here to proclaim that. and... when a revival and a true God movement happens in Troy, AL, I WANNA BE HERE FOR IT! I WILL NOT MISS IT!  So... if you are feeling discouraged and like you just want to escape... STAY PUT. STAND FIRM.  That is just Satan getting in the way! The more spiritual warfare... the more reason to stand firm.  The more discouraging thoughts... the more reason to fight.  The reward is far greater. The importance of souls needing Jesus is FAR more important that feeling better. The more heartache, sin consuming the city, the more adversity you sense... the bigger God's plans are becoming... DON'T GIVE UP!! 

NOT FOR A MOMENT did you forsake me

 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Praising...

I'm praising when my heart feels disappointed. 

I'm disappointed because I thought we'd be closer to getting Eric now. I'm disappointed because I want a picture of my sweet boy.  I'm disappointed because days are passing and he doesn't know how much we love him. I'm disappointed because things aren't happening when and how I want them to happen. I'm discouraged with things at times. I'm overwhelmed at times in our clock factory of a house. I'm helpless because I can't speed up the process. I'm anxious to just go get him. I'm disheartened when I read of potential timelines. 

BUT... I know my God is big. He proves Himself daily to me. We only have $5,000 plus travel costs left to raise! Can you say... GOD IS GOOD! That is amazing! He has raised well over $20,000 in less than 4 months! Do not doubt... He reminds me. 

Like I said in an early post... I'm doing Beth Moore's ESTHER study. Oh... how God is reminding me it's ALL in His timing... and not Anna's. Mordecai reminds Esther of that in the most beautiful way:
¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
Yes... I must know this... deep down... not just surface level... not just a saying. I didn't even want to blog... and sometimes I don't want to talk about the process... but I cannot remain silent.  If I remain silent, I STEAL HIS GLORY! Don't let me do that! I will praise Him... He is always worthy. He will deliver us from the piles of adoption paperwork. He will! And WHO KNOWS... maybe we are in this long, drawn-out process for a perfect and wonderful and divine purpose.  WHO KNOWS? God knows. He knows exactly what He is doing.  I pray that MY heart knows and that I can say again and again... "I KNOW THAT WE ARE IN THIS PROCESS FOR SUCH A TIME AS NOW!"  I cannot doubt. I cannot allow waiting to steal my joy. He is the Creator of Time, the Creator of Eric, and adoption is His heart... He will not delay. 

I am praising Him for my marriage.  I just love my hubs. I really don't know what I'd do without him. He encourages me, speaks truth/wisdom to me, prays for me, and acts as Coach Chris Masader (say it fast) in the Christmas childrens' play! How can you not love this!?? 

I am praising Him because He loves me and is teaching me how to love better.  Adoption is just about getting a child... it's about love... love for people... all people.  God's love for us, for me, is great. He is preparing my heart to be a mom... a selfless mom.  A frugal, teaching, praying, mom.  I am being taught what it will look like to love Eric.  You know... a lot of us accepted Christ, and were adopted by Him, at a young age.  We have known His love for a while and have learned about Him over the years.  We know what is right and what is wrong in the Lord's eyes and (hopefully) want to follow that.  On the other hand, there are many who have not been taught about Noah, Adam, Daniel, and Mary from the Bible. They don't know about how much they are loved by the King of the Universe until later.  Or maybe they do know... they just stray far, far away from Him.  I see this so much in our youth - not yet loving Jesus more than the world.  Enjoying drinking/partying more because the drunks and other party people "love" them and accept them.  Oh... man... if they could just grasp the deep deep deep love of Jesus. 

It's the same things with kids - those who have had a family from the beginning know (for the most part) they are loved, the rules of the family, and they know how to love back because they've SEEN it and FELT it.  Well, those children... like our Eric... who don't know those things about families, and maybe not about Jesus... have to be loved with no limits, with abandonment, without fear, and deeply! I can't wait to do that. I know it will be hard... but so good.  I know that was a long explanation, but I've just been thinking lots lately... which can be very scary! 

I'm gonna stop on this one - I'm praising Him for these girls... these girls that I love so much. That I want to strangle at times because... they are just being teenage girls and I don't want them to do what I/we did. I just love them. 

So... that was a long one.  My summarizing thoughts... JUST PRAISE HIM! He's got it under control!