A Belated Christmas

PRAISE THE LORD! The medical form has been received!
***PLEASE PRAY IT'S SUFFICIENT AND EXACTLY WHAT'S NEEDED***

What's next you might ask?
to clarify - this medical form was needed to meet the state of Alabama pre-adopt requirements. It's usually (for families from every other state) not needed until after the adoption is finalized in country... but for us... we needed it before we could travel. Go figure...
Since it's been sent (and IF it's enough), the Article 5 Letter will be released from the US Embassy. Not sure exactly what the letter says, but it, I think, gives us permission to come to Belize for the adoption process.
Once that is sent, there will be some meetings with Eric, our attorney, and his caseworker in Belize within the legal system to ensure everything is ready to go.  Then... OUR COURT DATES! The dates we will be in Belize to GET OUR SON!!! Oh... what a day that will be! Can you imagine what a wreck/crazy lady I'll be in the airport???? O wow! 

So... if you haven't figured it out yet, Eric will not be here for December 25th. It is was it is. I know God is able and He is completely in control and that there are reasons. There are things going on that we cannot see. I wanted Eric to be here so bad. It breaks my heart that he won't be. It makes me mad (really... mad. I feel like a 5-year old that wants to have a tantrum) that I have to send a small Christmas present to Belize. I hate, most of all, that he has to spend yet another Christmas in the orphanage. I had imagined this Christmas, December 25th, so perfectly in my head... our whole family... including Eric... just celebrating. But... things don't always go my way.

What does that mean for us?
Well... in all honesty... I want to be the Grinch. I want to be a bah-hum-bug and just gripe and feel sorry for all of the above. I want to mope around and just be frustrated because it didn't happen how I dreamed... and prayed.
But... I can't. I won't. I must cherish everyday with Jacob... out last few weeks (God willing) as a married couple without kiddos.  I must be joyful. I must put my hope in Jesus... not in the events or delays surrounding this adoption... that's tough sometimes.
And Christmas... well Christmas will just come a little late for the Morgans this year. Our tree will be up, presents will be wrapped, stockings will be hanging, wreaths will be mounted, and Christmas music playing UNTIL ERIC IS HOME! We will have Christmas together. We will have family together... celebrating Jesus birth and Eric's arrival. We will have present time, yummy food, and good times. We will take pictures with the Christmas tree. We will find a Santa Claus (Hey... Big-D!) We may even send out Christmas cards (just laugh and hang it up if you get one in February... haha!).

On that note - please forgive me if you don't receive Christmas cards from us before December 25th... because you probably won't. Please forgive me if you don't even get a present from us yet (it's coming). Please just have some mercy on me this year... I'm a little all over the place.

I can't wait to watch Eric see his first bedroom all to himself. Can't wait to see him open presents that are all his. Can't wait to read the the Christmas story with him. Can't wait... 

Our God is good... He always is. He cannot fail us. He will always defend the fatherless. Just because I prayed fervently for our Eric to be here by Christmas and it's not turning out like I hoped, DOES NOT mean He didn't hear or He isn't faithful. He is a Good Father. He only gives good things to His children. His plans are not for evil. He is teaching us and molding us into the mom and dad Eric needs.

PRAY PRAY PRAY for quick processes, for court dates to be set up quickly, for everything to fall together EXACTLY how it should. Pray for my sanity... and Jacob's. Pray that Eric would be comforted and that he knows, with no doubt, that he is loved and wanted... that his family is so anxious to come and get him! 

I'll leave you with my favorite Christmas song... I thought this version was fun:

Advent. More true than ever.

It's Christmas time. 
It's Advent. The waiting for what's to come...

Advent means "the coming or arrival, especially one which is awaited"

I can not imagine how Mary felt... during the advent before the first Christmas. I cannot imagine how she felt... knowing that inside her womb was the Savior of the world and He was coming.  I cannot imagine the thoughts swarming her mind of things that were to come, what life would be life once He arrived, what people would say, and how much joy she would experience holding him.

As the Word says, once Jesus was born "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19).

Mary, along with the rest of creation, was experiencing advent... waiting for the arrival of THE Someone long awaited for.

Every moment controlled and planned by the Sovereign God. Every day calculated out to fulfill every prophesy... perfectly. Every promise kept. Every expectation surpassed.

We are experiencing advent too.  Yes... we are awaiting Christmas and the celebration of our King being born on this earth. We are also awaiting and expecting the coming of Eric... one which is awaited. It's exciting. It's nerve-racking. It's exhausting. It's frustrating. It's filled with hope... and uncertainty. 

Our Jesus has come. 

Although there is no way to compare anything to our Jesus coming to earth... my heart is full of expectation as we also wait for our Eric to be home. 

I want to be like Mary. I want to treasure and ponder every ounce of who Jesus is.  In a similar way, I want to treasure and ponder every moment, conversation, day, new experience, achievement, hardships, new lessons, and more with Eric. 

Waiting for our Eric...
Hoping in our Jesus.
Thankful for a Faithful and Sovereign God. 
Advent. Adoption. 

Talking to Eric

Happy Friday! 

So on top of my FEAR that I told you about... we haven't been able to talk to Eric since last Wednesday!!! The phones at the orphanage were down... and despite the number of times I would dial the number, hear the busy/not working signal, hang up, repeat... the call would not go through. We weren't able to talk to our Eric. UGH!!!  We didn't even have a way to tell him Happy Birthday. My heart was broken... on top of being utterly fearful.

Not. A. Good. Week. for the emotions! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wanted to talk to our kiddo. We missed him so bad... and just wanted a night like this picture again - with our computer, phone, and Eric on the other end of that call. 

FINALLY... the phones were restored and working again YESTERDAY!!! It's a good thing... or I might have had to hop on a plane to Belize to help get things sorted out... ya know... a mom has to do what a mom has to do! 

Oh my goodness... it was the BEST thing in the world to hear Eric's voice last night on the phone.  We both just screamed, "Eric... WE MISSED YOU!" He told us he missed us too.  We talked about the week, finally told him happy birthday, told him about his AMAZING party, and reminded him of all the people who already love him and can't wait for him to be HOME! We apologized that we weren't able to talk to him and explained that the phones had been broken.  He said that he was getting worried that we weren't coming or calling again.  TEAR MY HEART IN TWO!  He told us that he couldn't wait to be up here with us... oh, how we know.  Ya know... I have all the respect in the world for individuals who work for departments in ALL countries who care for kiddos and work to get them with families... but I just want them  to hurry up! My son is sad... in another country... waiting for us to come. I'm just sayin'... I'd hop on a plane RIGHT NOW and go get him, but there's policies and procedures that must be followed (which I totally understand)... just wish it would happen a little, ok a LOT, faster. 

We sent him a birthday care package - which he got last week. It was complete with cargo pants (as requested), a t-shirt, huge lollipop, an artist's book, drawing pencils, a teddy bear, a card with a picture of us in it, and an entire bag of jolly ranchers! He told us it was the best present in all the world. The day he got it, he said he stayed up and by the next morning ALL the jolly ranchers were gone! HILARIOUS!! He ate them all! He'll fit in well around here! :) 

I love how God is bringing our family together over a phone - conversations, assurance, prayer. It's so good. I seriously CAN.NOT.WAIT for him to be with us. 

Please continue to pray for that medical form. God is good and perfect and in COMPLETE control. He is able and He can get that form to our lawyer. Let's continue to ask in faith. 

Pray for Eric's heart... that God would comfort him and love on him and reassure him that we will NOT leave him as an orphan. We will come for him! 

Thanks for reading this and supporting our adoption by the way. :) 

Getting to know our teenage son...

What a joy it's been to hear Eric's voice on the nights we get to talk to him. I look forward to it EVERY day, try to think of more questions to ask him to know just a little more about him, and dream of the day when he is sitting across from us at the dinner table.

We are all excited about being untied as a family. We talk about Eric's room and what it will look like, the food we will eat together, what are lives may look like, what things we will get to do together, and so much more.  It makes my heart so happy to know more about him... our son... and to learn all about his amazing personality.

I know he is excited about being adopted. I know he has ideas of what life will be like in the states. I know he is thrilled that he has a Mom and Dad, but he also has fear. He has worries. He has felt alone for more than 10 years now... waiting for someone to adopt him.  He has experienced an adoption that's fallen through and hasn't worked out. He has heard people say they wish they could help... and then didn't. He's been let down.  I also know he is worried that this may not work out either... that he may never make it to Alabama.  I'm sure he is afraid that we may not actually come get him.  I'm sure he is hesitant about letting go and trusting us whole-heartedly.  Although we have assured him we are coming for him, I know there is worry. Although we have told him we wanted to adopt him and to have him as our son since the first day we meet him, I know he has doubts.

I CANNOT wait to get to Belize, to hug that boy, and to say to him over and over again that he is WANTED. That he is LOVED so much. That he belongs in our FAMILY. I cannot wait to be with him and help him remove all doubts and worries and fears. He IS ours. He is a forever crucial part of our family.  I cannot wait to explain the things that have happened, the people that have helped, the crazy adventures we've been on, and the hard work it took to get him home... and he was worth EVERY SINGLE SECOND!!!! 

Please be praying for his heart... that he would be assured that he is wanted and he will be adopted. That he would have a peace about becoming a Morgan. That he would know that we love him and will come for him. Pray that he would know the love of God and the AMAZING plans He has for our Eric's life! Pray that we will continue to bond as a family... that joy, laughter, and honesty will abound! 

Praying for my son...

We've learned more treasures about him:

He loves pizza

He likes to read - the Magic Tree House series to be exact

He still LOVES video games... and I mean LOVES!

He wants to learn how to play American football - Don't worry his Dad is itching to teach him! :) 

He wants a few v-neck tees - yep... he's gonna be stylin'! 

He wants Walter to sleep with him!!! :) Our 2 boys... presh! 

He hates spiders... and zombies

His best friend's name is Bryan 

The lady that has really impacted his life growing up with Augustine... I hope I get to meet her and squeeze her tight! 

He is super nervous about getting on a plane! - We told him we would play games so he wouldn't be scared (Don't worry Em... we won't do a Crossword puzzle!)

How can we love a boy that we just met once so very much? I don't know... but we do. Can't wait for him to be H.O.M.E.

Thank you for praying for our Eric. 

To talk to Eric.

I don't even know how to start this post. We are finally able to talk to our son, Eric. What a joy. Just to hear his voice. My heart just wants to burst when we are talking with him. 

Let me just tell you how it went down... because... I can't make this stuff up people. 

So Thursday, last week, we finally got word that we could call him and start communicating with him (2 governments working together... ya know... have to have approval for EVERYTHING). Thursday night we try to call him with the number that Belize gave us... NOTHING. It was a busy signal or disconnected. UGH! We tried one billion times... NOTHING. We finally gave up and were just going to try again the next day. 
Well... the full-time missionary working in Belize with Praying Pelican Missions, emailed me (he's been keeping up with our adoption) after he saw my post about trying to call Eric and not being able to reach him.  He told us that the orphanage was having phone troubles recently, he mentioned the phone number, and gave us some advice about what to do with shipping stuff and communicating with him.  BUT the phone number he gave us was different than the phone number Belize gave us! Go figure!!! So Friday night we called again using the number he mentioned... and he finally answered!!! If it wasn't for Josh, the missionary, being concerned about our story... there would be no phone calls with Eric right now! Thank the Lord for the little things that turn into great things! :) 

In the meantime... WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU SAY TO YOUR SON THAT YOU'VE BEEN ACHING TO TALK TO FOR 13 MONTHS!!???!!!!??? So many thoughts swarmed in my head - how do we start the conversation? What do we say? How do we ask all we want to know in a 15 minute phone call? How do we even start to learn all there is to know about Eric? How will I ever know what the first words he said was? When did his first tooth fall out? When did he take his first steps? Who was the first girl he liked? What did he wear on the first day of school? Will he like us? Will he want to talk to us? What questions do we ask? WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE DOING??? Just freaking out a little ya know...

I know the answers to some of those questions I will never know and that hurts my heart. BUT the answers we will get discover are treasures to me.

When he finally picked up the phone... I can't even explain what we felt. We were finally somewhat connected... as a family. We were together in a sense... and it was so good. It was awkward at first... I'm sure he was feeling the same craziness as we were - he's been at that same center for most of his life... dreaming of the "what ifs" as well... and to finally talk to the couple who will be his parents... I'm sure that's more than overwhelming.  But we talked... we asked questions... he asked questions... and we are being to get to know one another. He is wonderful. He is definitely a teenage boy. I am so thankful we will get to talk to him on the phone, to develop a relationship, to pray over him each night... to become a family!!! OH MY HEART!!! 

Basic treasures about our Eric: 
He loves Math (Oh dear... good thing I have a lot of Math-y friends)
He loves soccer 
He likes basketball
He likes dogs (Whew...)
He wants a Lakers poster in his bedroom
He likes the Black Opps 2 video game
He wants some cargo pants
His favorite color is white
He remembers us
His favorite food is a cheeseburger
He likes Chris Brown :)
He likes to dance... and is even on a dance team with his friends! YES! 
He wants to learn guitar
His favorite movie is GI Joe
He loves the song "How Great is Our God"

I know these are simple things... but they are treasures to me... things I have been longing to know about our Eric. 

Each night we talk with him we pray for Eric and then we ask, "When do you want us to call again?" and he says, "Umm... tomorrow?" :) Yes... tomorrow. And all day I think about that phone call... 

I cannot wait to get him home! I am so thankful I can now hear his voice and ask him about his day... but I hate not being there for soccer games, for dance performances, for "good nights," for meals, for sending him off to school, for sick days, and just for times together.  But... it's coming. I know it's coming. 

I can't wait to have our Eric home. 

***FUNNY FACT - Eric was born when I was in the 7th grade!!! :) 

I can't make this stuff up people...

God is good. Yep. 

Here's what happened - 

Tuesday night I was feeling super fearful... just that things wouldn't work out, that the birth certificate wouldn't come, and about the long day Wednesday was sure to be. I didn't tell Jacob how I was feeling... just sat there, worrying to myself about all the "what if's." We knew our final paperwork from the adoption agency couldn't be sent to the US government (don't worry - the shut down won't affect anything) until Belize sent Eric's birth certificate. So... I was freaking out a bit. 

Unbeknownst (big word, huh?) to me, the birth certificate was sitting in my email inbox the entire night... while I was busy being paranoid. Wednesday morning when I finally checked my email, my heart jumped for joy... I opened the attached birth certificate... and stared at the name printed on the line - the given name of our son:

Eric EMMANUEL Chi

Seriously, God? WOW! You should know... I absolutely LOVE names and the meanings they hold.  I told you here about how the name Eric means FOREVER.  And this middle name... the name Emmanuel... meaning "God with us." A holy slap in the face to my fear-stricken heart - Eric "forever" Emmanuel "God with us"... our son's name. 

I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLE!!! God is all over this! It's nuts. 

ALSO... on Wednesday, we got an email that said we are FINALLY able to call Eric!!!!!! YAY!! We can finally communicate with him! :) We tried calling the number last night... and had no luck. Oh, I can't wait to hear his voice... to say, "Eric, we are coming for you!"... to tell him we love him... to tell him about all of you - the people who love him and don't even know him... to tell him we can't wait for him to be home. To listen to him... to know him... to know his favorite color, to hear the stories of his life, to smile and laugh and cry with him!!!! Praying that someone picks up the phone this afternoon so that we can talk with our boy!!!! :) 

BUT even now... this early Friday morning... my heart is fearful and scared of the "what if's." I know... how? God has proved Himself so true and so faithful every step of the way.  Yes... I know, but I am so human and so prone to fear and doubt. I KNOW He is Sovereign. I just want our Eric here for Christmas. The facts of the process and the lengths of time some of those things can take send me into a whirlwind of unbelief. Here's what has to happen next:

Our i-800 (last big paperwork) was sent yesterday to the US government (USCIS) for approval.  This could take up to 5 weeks to get our approvals back. 

Then, that is sent to the US Embassy in Belize. The US Embassy then sends us an Article 5 letter (whatever that is...), which could take up to 3 weeks. 

THEN... they set court dates/travel dates for us to get our son! HOORAY! 

Praise the Lord we are talking in WEEKS now. Praise the Lord that our God is able to move mountains. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE join with us in praying that the paperwork is processed and approved quickly - that the i-800 takes LESS THAN 5 weeks. That the Article 5 letter takes LESS THAN 3 weeks. That court dates are set in December BEFORE the holidays so that days off don't conflict with getting our kiddo! I know He is ABLE! I know He is working on our behalf! Please pray with us that, as long as God's will allows it, this process would be the fastest its ever been. 

Also...

Here is a poem that one of our new friends (an adoptive momma herself) sent me as encouragement. The words of this are so true. In the waiting... He is constantly teaching and molding and equipping and loving us. It's long... but oh so good. And although I have hated many minutes of the WAIT... I would do it all over again because of the leaps and bounds it brought me with the Lord. 

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .

And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

AdOpTiOn UpDaTe - 9 months and holding!

Hello world.

I'm not really sure if Adoption is the "New Pregnant"... but I'm 9 months right now and looking good! :) As someone put it the other day to me, "Adoption is just like pregnancy... you are just in your third trimester longer." I liked it, but I am thankful I don't have stretch marks, strange bodily fluids, or crazier-than-normal hormones to go along with it.

I do know I feel one thing that ALL pregnant women feel in their 9th month - I'M READY FOR THIS KIDDO TO GET HERE!!!! :)

I think I'm ready to give an adoption update. Sometimes I'm just selfish and I don't want to talk about where we are in the process because it feels like it never changes... but it really does.  I am SO thankful that people that people love us and Eric (& Ziggy) and want to know about what's going on... but sometimes it's just hard. I don't know if that makes sense if you haven't ever experienced adoption... but sometimes when you want something SO bad and you don't have the answers and you feel a little lost... it's hard to answer all the questions from people who care.

So FIRST - THANK YOU for loving us! Thank you for asking! Thank you SO much for praying! Thank you for wishing and hoping and waiting with us!!! Thank you for supporting and encouraging us! THANK YOU! And I'm sorry when I don't have the words to say in response... 

So... to recap.
We met Eric almost a year ago, July 16th will be one year since we first saw his beautiful face. He is 13 years old.
We began our adoption journey in September of last year. We were approved for 2 kiddos with our paperwork on the USA side. Now... to answer some questions

How much money do we still need to raise?
GOD IS A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.! He has raised a whole lot of money over the past 9 months for our adoption. It's been incredible... really.  Yes, we worked out booties off, but He is a BIG GOD! The only money we lack now is travel money.  Hallelujah! When we get our travel dates, we will do some big fundraisers to raise the remaining funds.

Since we are approved for 2 kiddos, does that mean we will get 2 kiddos for sure?
We hope so, but that's not always how Belize/international adoptions work. We are approved for UP TO 2 kiddos, so Belize could choose to allow us to adopt 2 or just one.  We will FOR SURE get Eric - that just makes me so happy to say - and may be blessed with a second one... affectionately nicknamed Ziggy (no, it's not the real name... just a nickname so we don't have to call it "the other one"). We are hoping for 2... 2 less orphans... but we trust God and He knows what He is doing either way.

THE BIG QUESTION: WHEN will we get them? What are we waiting for? 
We don't know when we will actually be traveling to get them yet. We are waiting... and living... and planning... but not planning.  It's a weird place - we don't want to plan too far in the future for things because we don't know when the time will be, but we don't want to sit around and do nothing... so it's just a bit awkward.
We are waiting on the paperwork on the Belize side. Here's the run down of the process actually going on over there right now:
Once they get our dossier (the HUGE packet of papers we sent over in February), they review it to see if it meets all laws, regulations, requirements, etc.
Once that is done, they match us with a child that is available for adoption (ERIC... and possibly a Ziggy)
Once they match, they write up a referral (the pictures, the medical info, the education info... basically everything they have on the child) and they send it to our lawyer in Belize (which we have)... and THEN TO US!  HIP HIP HOORAY!
Once we get the referral, we have to do the last bit of paperwork to make sure all the visas are finalized and then... we get travel dates!

We know they have reviewed our dossier. We know they have matched us with at least Eric and we know they are working on our documentation.
NOTE: Everything in Belize is done on Belizean time.
We actually received an email yesterday that let us know that some documents were being sent to our lawyer in Belize... SO... we are hoping and crossing our fingers and toes and eyes and legs... that it means we are getting close!

Can you do anything? 
Yes... PRAY! Pray for...
Eric, Ziggy, and all the other orphans. That they have hope and know they are loved. That God would defend the fatherless as He has promised.  That His Church would rise up and care for them. 

Each person handling our paperwork. That they would be blessed as they work to bless us in making our adoption a reality. That they would work fast and efficiently... without error. I know one name in Belize that has worked on our paperwork - Pauline. Pray! 

Every adoptive family waiting... IT'S HARD. Pray for learning, comfort, joy, and peace. Pray that they see God in every, single step. 

Jacob and I, and our family, as we wait. I can't wait to have a picture, to hold a hand, to get a hug, to tuck him in, to ride bikes together, to decorate rooms, to celebrate the finalization! 

The future - whatever that means. for wisdom in the transition - where to go to school, how to parent, how to love, how to answer hard questions, job, and how to give God the most glory for all of it! 

A year ago...

I started this yesterday FYI...

This weekend... heading to Matt and Lauren's wedding!!!! 

We started our annual women's summer Bible study. I really love it a lot.  I feel like I'm able to grow and process what I'm learning when I'm not turning around and teaching it during the school year.  It's a time for me to soak it all in... I like that.

But on my way to Bible study... I was thinking about what was going the last time I headed to our first summer Bible study.  You can read my blog from exactly a year ago here.

A LOT has changed in a year. This time last year I...

• was just brought to my knees AGAIN over adoption at Student Life camp
• had not started the adoption process
• had not been to Belize
• had not been to Costa Rica
• had not yet gone through the waiting process of the adoption
• had not had the joy of Stephanie living with us yet
• did not know my girl Jubi
• DIDN'T KNOW THE SHIELD OF FAITH!!!! 
• He is who He says He is! 
• He can do what He says He can do!
• I am who God says I am! 
• I can do ALL things through Christ! 
• God's Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE IN ME! 
• was totally different... 

Literally... a year ago I was with my BFF Emily and I told her while I visiting her that Jacob and I had agreed that we would probably have a biological child first and then adopt.  We wanted to practice on our own genes before messing up "someone else's" child. We thought that might be a good idea...  HAHA. God is hilarious. 

This past year has been crazy... the wildest ride yet... the longest wait of my life... and the richest time in my relationship with Jesus. It has been a rollercoaster... and it's not over yet. I have learned so much... hard to put into words. I am truly a different gal than I was a year ago today. Here's 13 things I've learned while pursuing adoption of our 13-year old son:

#1 God's love towards me, towards us, is great! Like... He really loves us! He really wants to do good for us and through us.  You know the song, "Jesus loves me, this I know... for the Bible tells me so..."  It's truer that we can even fathom! HE LOVES US!
Praise the Lord, all you nations;

   extol him, all you peoples.

For great is his love toward us,

    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 117:1-2

#2 God is waiting too! I believe God hurts when we hurt and longs to give us things when it is good and is glad when we are glad. He is THE Good Father... and Good Daddies empathize with their children.  I know that God is just as excited to unite us with Eric and Ziggy as we are to have them in our home! And that, my friends, comforts me. 

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18

#3 God is faithful! So so so faithful! After this year and all He has been to me... REGARDLESS of what happens... I trust Him completely. He is completely good and completely faithful. He is perfect! He is love! 

He is the Rock, his works are perfect,

    and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
    upright and just is he.

Deuteronomy 32:4

#4 If He calls you to it, HE WILL DO IT! HELLO - He called Jacob and I to adopt... with no money... with no clue how to parent a teenager from a different country... to adopt the sweetest 13-year old from Belize.  He provided (and is still providing) the money, the encouragement, the struggle, and the rich resources. He called us to work hard and to pray with all our might... but MAN! our God provides!! WHEN He calls you to do something and you FOLLOW HIM... no doubt... all your needs will be met in INCREDIBLE ways! Try it... 

By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, ¹⁸ even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” ¹⁹ Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.

Hebrews 11:17-19

#5 I am NOT good at waiting... Yep... just not good at all.  When I think I am waiting... I am really just distracting myself with other things - Origami Owl, more projects, cleaning the house, traveling, etc... All are good... but all are my forms of "waiting"... oops. 

#6 The Bible gives me permission to be CRAZY!!! what what!! This is my verse!! I can't believe it took me 25 years to find it!!!! I think I want a tatoo of it!!! 

 If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit.

2 Corinthians 5:13

#7 I am NOT in control. Yep... definitely not. And when I think I am in control... I go through puberty again and discover MOUNTAINS on my face that you may call pimples! Really... when I try to take over... I revert to 14-year old Anna... pimples and emotional instability! haha! 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth,     so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

#8 I am NOT all that & a bag of chips... I am to be selfLESS! Pride is an issue for me. I get into the mindset of striving for self-righteousness very easily. As ugly as it is judging others is a struggle for me. Loving others UNCONDITIONALLY and with ABANDON doesn't come naturally to me... I have to continually humble myself... ugh. Nothing... even the 'good' stuff... can be done with a prideful heart - not adoption, not Bible study, not serving in church, not being nice, not doing the Connection... NOTHING. Seek Him... THEN serve from the overflow... not from my pride... golly... when will I learn.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4

#9  I should NOT go and do until I KNOW God has blessed it! So... I have a lot of ideas... I mean a lot... it's really annoying to live in my mind. This year I have definitely learned STAY STILL until God pushes me. Jesus' ministry was successful because of His relationship with the Father. He didn't move until God said MOVE. He didn't speak until God said SPEAK. The highest form of intimacy and AWARENESS... that's what Jesus had. This verse from Isaiah (one of my fav passages) is prophesying about Jesus... God's anointing was ALL OVER Jesus' ministry.  I must WAIT (there's that word again) to ACT on my IDEAS. I have to dream the dreams/ideas of my Father. Hard to do...

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,...

Isaiah 61:1

#10 I REALLY REALLY like peanut butter... 'nuff said.

#11 FEAR steals our joy, distracts us from obedience, and is a lie. Yep. Fear... it's no good. It will absolutely paralyze you. When I live in the "what if's"... and the "how's"... I will sink. 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

#12 I must seek His FACE... not His HAND!! ...AND NOT WORRY!

 IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM! I do not worship Him because of what He DOES for me... I worship Him because of WHO HE IS!!! PERIOD! If my relationship with Him is based on Him answering my prayers (the way I want Him to)... it's not a fulfilling relationship... it's a parasite relationship with Him... me getting and getting for only my satisfaction. YUCK...
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
³⁴ “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33-34

#13 He works on my/our behalf!!! I have learned... yes I have learned... that He works on my behalf even when I can't see it or feel it. He is working. He is fighting for me and my family... for ERIC and ZIGGY. He is fighting for every orphan on this planet. He is raising up His Church to be His hands and His family... but He is not sitting back and watching... HE IS A MIGHTY WARRIOR!!! 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Exodus 14:14

So... there you have it. It's been QUITE A YEAR! I hope a year from now I have tons of pictures of Eric and Ziggy and amazing testaments of how big my God is. BUT IF I DON'T... there will be much more learned and a much richer and deeper knowledge of my God. Either way... I trust Him.