Love & Marriage... 10 Things I've Learned

WARNING: This is about to get REAL... and a little sappy. (I've found a new freedom in blogging... not sure where it came from... but we need some REAL TALK people... so buckle up).

This is one of my FAVORITE wedding pics. No big deal... just singing Backstreet Boys to each other... "You are my... fire. My one... DESIRE." Oh yeah!

I love being married. I really do. It's great. It's definitely not perfect... but's it's so good. Life with my best friend, my leader, my biggest fan. Yep. It's good.

BUT I want to throw some things out there that no one told me before I got married. In our Bible studies with the youth/college, we taught about marriage - we believe it's good to study it before you do it... like a test... a FOREVER test. Good to know what you are getting into before you plunge in! So... here's my wisdom:

#1 - Getting married doesn't eliminate your insecurities... it MAGNIFIES them. 
Us girls... we have some issues. When we see a picture of ourselves or think about ourselves, most times negative words come to mind - FAT. yellow teeth. chunky legs. flabby belly. frizzy hair. weird face. glasses. not enough. TOO much. short. tall. gross. knobby knees. pimples. hairy face. strange shape. ________ (fill in the blank).  Usually we are not reinforcing what God says about us "Let the King be enthralled by YOUR BEAUTY" Psalm 45:11.
So... I thought that when I got married all of those crazy thoughts would go away or at least get better because I had someone - someone to think I'm beautiful, to want me, to be with me, to tell me nice things. Before we got married, I did a 5-month boot camp workout - no cokes, no desserts, exercise EVERY day. I was intense... and fit. Still had major insecurities though... but I thought getting a ring on my finger would solve that... wrong. It magnified them. I compared myself to other girls even more... fearing that the same thoughts were going through Jacob's mind - she's prettier, skinnier, more fun, sexier... WHATEVER. Although he wasn't thinking those things... I feared that I wasn't enough.
I HAD to learn to STOP putting my identity in my looks and what I ASSUME others are thinking (even my husband)... it's inconsistent and temporary.
STAKE YOUR IDENTITY AND WORTH IN JESUS!

#2 - Getting married doesn't magically erase past sin or shame... it affects the PRESENT. 
Anybody perfect??? NOPE!! We all have skeletons in the closet... some a little scarier than others, but we all have them. So... don't judge... just learn.
I had some skeletons before marriage... skeletons that Jacob knew about. But they haunted me. I was terrified... marrying a youth pastor with my issues? Probably not a good idea. How would I talk to girls about staying pure throughout school? How could I? How did I have the right to? I carried my "junk" around like a ball and chain... I was ashamed. I don't know why. I guess it was because I had not forgiven myself and thought I wasn't worthy or "clean enough" to be doing what I was going to be doing. I was wrong.
I carried shame into our marriage... and put up HUGE walls between me and my new hubs. Walls that he could CLEARLY see. Thankfully... my husband loves me enough to talk with me about them. I spilled it all - the shame I had and the fear I had that he may one day leave... because it's happened to others. Breaking down my walls... brick by brick... happened/is still happening because my husband loves me and sees me as beautiful... not as dirty and because my God is doing a MIGHTY work in me.
He has forgiven me. He calls me REDEEMED. LOVED. ACCEPTED. CLEAN. PURE. HOLY. BELOVED. BRIDE. WHOLE. ENOUGH. RESTORED.
Why would I believe anything less about myself?

#3 - Getting married doesn't terminate all sexual temptation... the Enemy is sneaky. 
Although this is not fun or churchy to talk about... sexual sin is destroying the Church and society! DESTROYING. Secret sins... sins that no one can see... sins that can be hidden... temptation that is lurking in every commercial, TV show, website, and billboard.
Lust. Pornography. Lies. Thoughts. Actions. All these things are KILLING marriages. We must MAKE war! Spouses have to be able to talk about things with each other. If you aren't talking about these things to your husband/wife, the CLOSEST relationship you can have on this earth, then WHAT ARE YOU DOING? The Enemy doesn't want to make you sad, or give you temporary pleasure, or mess up your marriage... HE WANTS TO DESTROY YOU. Stand your ground. Fight hard! It's worth fighting for! Secret sins.. ESPECIALLY those that are sexual in nature are crippling and devastating.
We are MORE than conquerors! Romans 8:37

#4 - Getting married doesn't satisfy all of your expectations/dreams... you gotta talk about them! 
In my head... when I became Jacob's wifey... I thought he expected me to be SUPERwoman. House spotless. clothes washed. yummy homemade food each night waiting for him when he got home. catering to his needs.  bed made. underwear folded. always happy. the PERFECT wife. yada yada yada. I couldn't do it. I felt squashed under all the expectations I THOUGHT he had of me.
Finally... I just had to tell him... I CAN'T DO IT!! I can't live up to the perfect wife - the house will get dusty. I am not the best cook. I will do laundry once a week. I have limits...
He pretty much looked at me like "Where did you get that from? I never expected all of that from you? I married you... for you." Oh... so I was suffocating myself for expectations I THOUGHT were placed on me! ASK. TALK. BE HONEST. Your spouse will never be your parent and you will never be theirs - good or bad. Your spouse is an individual and has lots to offer... learn what those gifts are!
Stop putting your fantasies or expectations that cannot be reached on your spouse. They will fail... they are human. You will fail them... we mess up. Marriage isn't what Hollywood portrays... it's better than the movies when it's filled with honesty and HUMAN-ness... not impossible ideals.

#5 -  Getting married doesn't mean you can continue to live a life of independence and on your own schedule... you are a team. 
I'm pretty independent. I'm an only child and have always created my own schedule and lived my own way. In college, I did my own thing, volunteered for everything, was never home, and always on the run. When we got married, I thought I could keep doing my thing... filling up every minute of every day with MY stuff. Yea... doesn't work that way.
I learned really quick that decisions about agendas and volunteering need to be decided TOGETHER. It shouldn't be telling the other what you are doing... it's talking about it together... figuring where it is best to invest your time and when it's best to be home. This was a hard lesson for this hard-headed independent gal to learn.
BUT... when things are decided together, when you support what the other is involved in... home is a happy and healthy place to be!

#6 - Getting married doesn't require you to stop dating... nope... you gotta fall more in love.
I've never struggled with this one. I LOVE dates with my hubby. When he asks if he can take me on a lunch date, on a dinner date, on a lay-at-home-all-day date... I still get giddy. I love spending time with him.
IF you are not currently dating your spouse... do something about it! If you never spend quality time JUST Y'ALL... you need to change that. Your relationship with your spouse should come before any other commitment or any other relationship (including you children). The only exception is your commitment to the Lord (that does not mean if you are in the ministry your job comes before your spouse).
Date your spouse... until the day you die! Fall more in love with them each day.  It's true... I love Jacob far more today than I did on our wedding day. I didn't think it was possible... but dating each other throughout our marriage has made the difference.

#7 - Getting married doesn't mean you stop hanging out with your friends... you'll go CRAZY! 
I see many couples who just get in their married bubbles and stay there. Okay... I love Jacob but if I didn't have my friends, I would go insane!!! There is something that only girl friends can do for us girls. We need each other. We need laughs, inside jokes, long nights of talking, sappy movies, yelling for no reason, pictures together, and time together. Boys need boy stuff - guns, hunting, fishing, video games, trucks, and... all that other stuff.
Don't cut yourself off. It's like a girl in high school who has a boy friend... and is obsessed with him.  One day they break up and she looks around and realizes that she's distanced all her friends. Although you WILL NOT break up because... heads up... MARRIAGE IS FOREVER... don't distance your friends... continue to love them well.

#8 - Getting married doesn't end the fun... it makes it more meaningful! 
When Jacob and I go out to eat at restaurants, we always try to guess who is married and who is dating. The couples dating are smiling and chatting and talking lots. The married ones are usually the ones sitting... in silence... glancing up every few minutes to make a comment... and then focusing on their food again... not smiling much. I DO NOT WANT THAT TO BE US! I love to laugh with Jacob... I actually think he's funny... and boy, does that bring him joy! Fun in a marriage is more meaningful than laughter anywhere else... my opinion. It builds trust, love, and hope.
One of my favorite things this year was going to Charleston this summer with the hubs. It was a crazy trip... filled with lots of hiccups and detours, but I LOVED every second of it because it was with Jacob!
Don't ever stop having fun together! Do things that only married people should do - wink. wink. nudge. nudge. Ha!

#9 - Getting married shouldn't burden you with lists and responsibilities... it should encourage respect and a look from a different perspective. 
Honey-Do lists. Wish lists. To-Do's... be careful. I know my man... he does NOT like to be told what to do. Actually when I "tell" him what to do it makes him want to do it LESS. It's not because he doesn't love me... it's just because he feels like I'm bossing him around.  We have to be careful how we treat each other.
Yes, BOTH spouses need to help out. BOTH spouses have to do their part. BOTH spouses have to support each other and the family. BUT how we approach those responsibilities need to be thought out.  Don't boss each other. Don't hold it over the other. If you are a busy body like me, don't expect your husband to never want to sit down or breath or slow down. Some people like to sit and do nothing (still don't understand this concept). Learn how to approach each other!
****** I've learned a trick! It's my favorite thing EVER!!! If you want your hubby to do something or change his mind about something but you don't want to bring it up because it might cause an argument... but you REALLY feel strongly about it - PRAY! Tell God! It's awesome... and hilarious... when you hubby "comes up with the idea" on his own!! Haha! Really it's because you asked and believed! :)
Disclosure: Careful what you ask for!

#10 - Getting married doesn't stop you from dreaming... now you dream together.
NEVER.STOP.DREAMING. Before, my dreams were me-centered. What I would do. Where I would go. What my dream job was. Who I wanted to become. I'm learning that when you dream together they are even better, more powerful, and more fun! I would have never dreamed I would be working as a missionary with an adopted teenager.  That's so much better!

Another year of holy matrimony :)

THREE YEARS TOGETHER... and no one has killed the other... and we actually still love being around each other! Who would have thunk it!?!

This year has been awesome. I'm SO blessed and thankful to have Jacob as my hubs.

The year in review... in no order whatsoever...

WOW! They've lost a lot o' weight! 

Braves game... CHIPPER! 

Our precious niece! 

BeLiZe

Our cute family! 

Hanging out with Steven Curtis...

MINISTRY! Ski trip

BELIZE

:) 

the younger Morgans

I love us

Summer camp

love

Our life right now - CLOCKS! 

I love our life together. 

Ministry...

long talks...

ADOPTION...

youth...

CLOCKS...

trips...

same heart...

laughter...

singing...

friends...

family...

love...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US! 

Praising...

I'm praising when my heart feels disappointed. 

I'm disappointed because I thought we'd be closer to getting Eric now. I'm disappointed because I want a picture of my sweet boy.  I'm disappointed because days are passing and he doesn't know how much we love him. I'm disappointed because things aren't happening when and how I want them to happen. I'm discouraged with things at times. I'm overwhelmed at times in our clock factory of a house. I'm helpless because I can't speed up the process. I'm anxious to just go get him. I'm disheartened when I read of potential timelines. 

BUT... I know my God is big. He proves Himself daily to me. We only have $5,000 plus travel costs left to raise! Can you say... GOD IS GOOD! That is amazing! He has raised well over $20,000 in less than 4 months! Do not doubt... He reminds me. 

Like I said in an early post... I'm doing Beth Moore's ESTHER study. Oh... how God is reminding me it's ALL in His timing... and not Anna's. Mordecai reminds Esther of that in the most beautiful way:
¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
Yes... I must know this... deep down... not just surface level... not just a saying. I didn't even want to blog... and sometimes I don't want to talk about the process... but I cannot remain silent.  If I remain silent, I STEAL HIS GLORY! Don't let me do that! I will praise Him... He is always worthy. He will deliver us from the piles of adoption paperwork. He will! And WHO KNOWS... maybe we are in this long, drawn-out process for a perfect and wonderful and divine purpose.  WHO KNOWS? God knows. He knows exactly what He is doing.  I pray that MY heart knows and that I can say again and again... "I KNOW THAT WE ARE IN THIS PROCESS FOR SUCH A TIME AS NOW!"  I cannot doubt. I cannot allow waiting to steal my joy. He is the Creator of Time, the Creator of Eric, and adoption is His heart... He will not delay. 

I am praising Him for my marriage.  I just love my hubs. I really don't know what I'd do without him. He encourages me, speaks truth/wisdom to me, prays for me, and acts as Coach Chris Masader (say it fast) in the Christmas childrens' play! How can you not love this!?? 

I am praising Him because He loves me and is teaching me how to love better.  Adoption is just about getting a child... it's about love... love for people... all people.  God's love for us, for me, is great. He is preparing my heart to be a mom... a selfless mom.  A frugal, teaching, praying, mom.  I am being taught what it will look like to love Eric.  You know... a lot of us accepted Christ, and were adopted by Him, at a young age.  We have known His love for a while and have learned about Him over the years.  We know what is right and what is wrong in the Lord's eyes and (hopefully) want to follow that.  On the other hand, there are many who have not been taught about Noah, Adam, Daniel, and Mary from the Bible. They don't know about how much they are loved by the King of the Universe until later.  Or maybe they do know... they just stray far, far away from Him.  I see this so much in our youth - not yet loving Jesus more than the world.  Enjoying drinking/partying more because the drunks and other party people "love" them and accept them.  Oh... man... if they could just grasp the deep deep deep love of Jesus. 

It's the same things with kids - those who have had a family from the beginning know (for the most part) they are loved, the rules of the family, and they know how to love back because they've SEEN it and FELT it.  Well, those children... like our Eric... who don't know those things about families, and maybe not about Jesus... have to be loved with no limits, with abandonment, without fear, and deeply! I can't wait to do that. I know it will be hard... but so good.  I know that was a long explanation, but I've just been thinking lots lately... which can be very scary! 

I'm gonna stop on this one - I'm praising Him for these girls... these girls that I love so much. That I want to strangle at times because... they are just being teenage girls and I don't want them to do what I/we did. I just love them. 

So... that was a long one.  My summarizing thoughts... JUST PRAISE HIM! He's got it under control! 

November 13th

So... it's a day late. Oh well.

If you like corny love stories... enjoy!!

November 13th... 7 years ago... has always been special to Jacob and me. I just had to tell the story...

So... me and Jacob have known each other since middle school - cute, I know. We were Best Friends Forever! We loved hanging out together. I even rode with him and his brother to school every morning for 2 years... in the Bronco... listening to the yellow MercyMe CD EVERYDAY! Anyways... we were best friends, laughed a lot together, hung out with the church people... and TOTALLY ignored each other at school.  Such is the life of a high schooler.

Although we had secret crushes on each other, I always claimed he was like my brother and just brushed it off - weird now, huh? Well, when I was in the 11th grade and Jacob in the 10th grade... we went on a mission trip to Mexico.  Now... I learned a lot about God on that trip and fell in love with foreign missions while in Mexico.  But... something else happened while on that trip as well... God showed me I was going to marry Jacob!!! AHHH! We were at "The Dump." It was literally a dump... smelly, gross, and full of garbage and starving people. It was the worst/saddest place I have ever been... still.  But, I saw Jacob's heart there... as he ministered to this malnourished little girl - he helped her color, he loved on her, and he told her about Jesus.  As I watched this... I knew, somehow, we would end up together! I was FREAKED OUT! So... we enjoyed the rest of the trip. It included lots of ministry and VBS-ing, shopping at the market, and LOTS of barfing from a bug our entire team caught while there! Fun times.

So... knowing I would end up with Jacob, what did I do? I TOTALLY IGNORED it... as any teenage girl would do. So... I went along with my dance team-ing self, chasing after popularity, and enjoying life. I graduated high school - yay! The summer after my graduation, I was with Jacob and our friend Taylor EVERY SINGLE DAY! We were BFFs! But... I was going to college at UAB, had just made the Golden Girls dance team, and didn't know where life would lead me.  I still liked Jacob (that was a secret known only to me... and everyone who watched us together), but was terrified of LABELS... I didn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend... because... I was still being a teenage girl.

Life went on, and I started college. I was enjoying myself. Still hanging out with Jacob... but not willing to commit.

Finally... November 13th happened.  We looked a bit like this:

Things don't change, huh? 

So... we were hanging out and we usually ended up talking in the church parking lot for hours on end after our activities. So we talked and talked... and Jacob had had enough. He said, "I'm going to ask you to be my girlfriend one time... and then I'm done. If you aren't willing... I can't hang out anymore." He took this paper I had written a few months early that said "I WILL FIND A GOOD GUY. I WILL DANCE. I WILL SMILE. THE END!" and wrote "just remember 5 years." This 5 years referred to the 5 years of friendship and liking each other that we had endured and the time that he had loved and supported me as a friend.  He got out of the car, threw the paper back through the window and shut the door. Dramatic? YES! 

I was in a dilema. What to do? What to do? 

So, I said "Wait!" I put my hands on the window seal. He came over and grabbed them and... IT WAS OVER!!! You know the music of angels singing that happen in movies when two people fall in love and live happily ever after??? Well, I heard that!   It was magical! I was hooked. We stuttered about... not knowing what to say... and I finally muttered, "why didn't you just hold my hand a long time ago?" Haha!!! We hugged... and the rest is history.

Now... our history isn't all magical and perfect... it's full of craziness, lots of bumps, and beautiful redemption! :) I'm thankful for our story and all we've learned together. 

We now have that piece of paper that started everything hanging in our bathroom with a picture from our honeymoon. We are pretty presh.

being busy is NOT always good

Merry Monday!!! Hope your weekend was superb!! Mine was pretty fantastic! I'll tell you about it now....


Jacob and I went on a marriage retreat. It's called "A Weekend to Remember". It was FABULOUS!! We were a little apprehensive at first because when I think marriage retreat I think about a lot of old people, being mushy gushy and lots of talk about LOVE.  Well... this retreat was really about MARRIAGE... and all the stuff that comes with it!!! If you are married... GO to the conference!! if you think you don't need it... you DEFINITELY need to go!!! Here we are being all lovey... going to our retreat:

I'll explain what we learned in a bit... just hold your horses! I know you are PUMPED! 

Saturday night is DATE NIGHT at the retreat (wink wink nudge nudge).  So... We decided to go bowling and then out to eat!! We love bowling! Fun fact: When we were in high school, Jacob and I were in a bowling league!! haha! Jacob had his own bag, ball, shoes, and gloves.  Guess what? I beat him every time!! haha! He does this fancy, fast, rounding throw of the ball.  I kind of stumble up to the lane and throw it straight.  I remind myself of Fred Flinestone! But... I always beat him.  My highest score, NO LIE, was a 215. (For those of you who don't know... the highest possible is 300!). Anyways... bowling is near and dear to our hearts! Here is my hubs bowling:

Please note how romantic it is... there are 500 children. Both sides of us were using bumpers and the metal ball roller things. One kid cheered and high-fived us after every turn.  Quite the romantic get-a-way!!! :)

And yes... I beat him!!!! 

After the epic bowling experience we headed to Outback (we had a gift card... woo hoo!). We talked about our take-aways from the weekend and what we wanted to see our marriage become. And we ate the most amazing thing ever (I did NOT count calories on Saturday!). This masterpiece you see below is warm chocolate waffles, chocolate syrup, oreos, whip cream, and ice cream! WHAT!?!?!?!? It was SO tasty! 

Makes your mouth water doesn't it? Oh yeah! 

So... marriage. It's not like the movies (can I get an amen? ha) In MANY ways it's SO much better (when it's founded on Christ), and in other ways it takes a lot more work than Hollywood lets on. I learned a lot this weekend... about me. Many times I like to sugar coat myself and think that it's OTHER people that need to CHANGE (scary word)... and not ME.  But... let me tell you.. it's me! :) 

I am learning that busy-ness is not always good. I have to and WANT to invest intentional time into my marriage. I so often (as I always have) fill up every minute of every day with activity and events and people... and don't have US time with my hubby. Our marriage is more important than ANY other earthly relationship. I know that and love that... but it's hard to apply it to everyday life when you love Bible study girls, work peeps, family, and friends!! My husband has to come first!!! If you are married... spend intentional, unhindered, unhurried, undistracted time with your husband.  That is so important. And it influences EVERY area of your lives together - happiness, sex, work, EVERYTHING! 

Transparency in talking is SO key.  Our conversation has always been deep - we love talking about Christ, the church, issues in life, blah blah... but total transparency is tough for me.  As I have said before, I have a lot of walls... and to tell someone all of my faults, shame, struggles, and thoughts (even when I know it is so good and necessary)... it's tough. I close up. I hide. I cover it up. I sugar coat. I was open this weekend with my husband... and I am free of a lot of stuff. I haven't done anything crazy so don't get that in your head. There's just some baggage and bondage that I have that I needed to be freed from. I confessed and exposed. I am letting Jesus work in them and letting my hubby encourage me through them. BREAK DOWN WALLS in your own life!! It's tough and painful at times... it calls for some vulnerability... it may cause some tears... but... oh... it's so good to have Jesus and your husband embrace you with love and understanding and victory. 

One thing that was talked about was that our marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. DUH! Marriage 101.  But... our marriage is to REFLECT the image and character of God!!!! Wow! I haven't thought about it like that! Does our marriage, in its entirety, reflect the character of God? In some areas, it doesn't. I want it to! We want it to! We want our marriage to fully reflect the glory, love, hope, truth, intimacy, endurance, prayerfulness, peace, ... of God!!! 

One more thing - I have been learning about submission. I don't like that word. I like the words TRUST WHOLLY better. Meaning.. I need to trust Jacob whole heartedly because I know he's following hard after Jesus. If he tells me that he feels that we need to pick up and move to Brazil tomorrow... I need to be okay with that and trust him and his leadership in our family.  Most of the time... I like to be in control! That's not what my role is. If I ask for advice or he feels God is teaching him something about us... my role is to listen and apply.  When I see that... and I see my obedience to that... I see the reflection of Christ and the Church. 

We learned a lot more that you don't need to know unless you are in our marriage... and you aren't... because that would be awkward. And no... we didn't need a marriage retreat or someone telling us about marriage to figure things out. But it was so great to have time to just focus on US, on our marriage, and what Christ has called us to be. 

Marriage is good. I love living life with my best friend, leader, encourager, truth-speaker, and more. I love running after Christ together.

Go enjoy being married if you are married. If you are single, take it from Paul... stay single. :) 

Whew... that was a lot of vomit. 

HaPpY aNnIvErSaRy To Me!

It's our 2 year anniversary!!! YEP!!! 2 years!! CrAzY!!! 


Here's us... pronounced husband and wife:

I was excited then for marriage... and I am even more excited now!! 

I love living life with Jacob! He's my man!! 

He knows me... REALLY knows me and he loves me more than I ever thought a boy could love me.

He takes care of me. 

He speaks truth to me.

We minister together.

We love on youth together.

We live life with friends together.

We give JOY to one another.

We laugh together.

We learn together.

I love life with my hunky hubby! 

my fav picture from the wedding - it's just us!

2  years ago today I become Mrs. Anna Morgan.

That was a great day. If you want to know more about that day... look at my ABOUT ME page! :)

I love marriage.

It's tough and crazy and sometimes I cause more craziness with all my hormones and ideas - but it's wonderful b/c my hubby loves me. I think he loves me more when I'm crazy... maybe not.

I love him. I love everything about being his wife.

Happy anniversary to us! :)