stand firm... He says

Heavy hearts. Discouraged. No words. Shock. Craziness. and it's Christmas...

Things we are all hearing right now.  The last few weeks, our news stations, news feeds, and ears have been filled with horrendous events. 

My heart hasn't just felt this for a few days, but for a few months. Most of the time when I'm in a "funk," I don't know I'm in a funk until Jesus gives me a holy slap to the face.  Lately, I have KNOWN I'm in a funk... and on a quest for answers. 

At some points, I have thought a change in location would solve our problems.  A change in jobs. Something new. Something different. But... it's really just my heart. It needs revival and a kick back to the heart of the First Century Church! 

Sometimes I get disheartened because I don't see things happening the way I want them to happen - people get in the way, life gets busy, and people don't care.  But... God teaches me... o man... does He teach me. 

I am NOT doing this life for the applause of man. 

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10 

I have had to ask myself this many times this semester. Sometimes... my answer has been "Yea, I'm trying to please people. I want more people coming. I want Bible Study to be packed out. I want all the church members to be excited about the Connection and be pumped about all that's happening. Yes, I want more youth, more college... blah blah blah." Oh... my ugly heart. It's not about me. 

As a servant of Christ, I SHOULDN'T CARE. I do and I minister and I serve and I love because I am His servant and His hands and His feet. No other reason. Why do I forget that so often? 

Also... maybe somebody out there needs to read this... or maybe I just need to type it... who knows.  Anyways, while thinking about changing scenery (when I really needed to change my heart) I kept thinking about the disciples.  Jesus told them when they were going and spreading the Gospel, that if a town or people didn't accept them to move on.  I thought, 'Hey! that means if things aren't going well... we just leave.' Well, on the flip side... some the prophets in the Old Testament spent their ENTIRE lives preaching and teaching and proclaiming... with little to no change in the people. OUCH! Thinking about this... I know God was saying "ANNA... SHUT UP! SIT DOWN! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU THERE!" And I finally got it...

So, the disciples were on a mission to get the Word out to as many people as possible as fast as possible... the immediate spread of Christ's story.  The prophets were sent to tell and proclaim about something that would happen, to encourage, to admonish, to teach.  We better fit the prophets' roles. We KNOW great things are going to happen in Troy, Alabama. God has plans. God is on a mission. God is doing this in HIS timing.  We are here to proclaim that. and... when a revival and a true God movement happens in Troy, AL, I WANNA BE HERE FOR IT! I WILL NOT MISS IT!  So... if you are feeling discouraged and like you just want to escape... STAY PUT. STAND FIRM.  That is just Satan getting in the way! The more spiritual warfare... the more reason to stand firm.  The more discouraging thoughts... the more reason to fight.  The reward is far greater. The importance of souls needing Jesus is FAR more important that feeling better. The more heartache, sin consuming the city, the more adversity you sense... the bigger God's plans are becoming... DON'T GIVE UP!! 

NOT FOR A MOMENT did you forsake me

 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Praising...

I'm praising when my heart feels disappointed. 

I'm disappointed because I thought we'd be closer to getting Eric now. I'm disappointed because I want a picture of my sweet boy.  I'm disappointed because days are passing and he doesn't know how much we love him. I'm disappointed because things aren't happening when and how I want them to happen. I'm discouraged with things at times. I'm overwhelmed at times in our clock factory of a house. I'm helpless because I can't speed up the process. I'm anxious to just go get him. I'm disheartened when I read of potential timelines. 

BUT... I know my God is big. He proves Himself daily to me. We only have $5,000 plus travel costs left to raise! Can you say... GOD IS GOOD! That is amazing! He has raised well over $20,000 in less than 4 months! Do not doubt... He reminds me. 

Like I said in an early post... I'm doing Beth Moore's ESTHER study. Oh... how God is reminding me it's ALL in His timing... and not Anna's. Mordecai reminds Esther of that in the most beautiful way:
¹⁴ For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14
Yes... I must know this... deep down... not just surface level... not just a saying. I didn't even want to blog... and sometimes I don't want to talk about the process... but I cannot remain silent.  If I remain silent, I STEAL HIS GLORY! Don't let me do that! I will praise Him... He is always worthy. He will deliver us from the piles of adoption paperwork. He will! And WHO KNOWS... maybe we are in this long, drawn-out process for a perfect and wonderful and divine purpose.  WHO KNOWS? God knows. He knows exactly what He is doing.  I pray that MY heart knows and that I can say again and again... "I KNOW THAT WE ARE IN THIS PROCESS FOR SUCH A TIME AS NOW!"  I cannot doubt. I cannot allow waiting to steal my joy. He is the Creator of Time, the Creator of Eric, and adoption is His heart... He will not delay. 

I am praising Him for my marriage.  I just love my hubs. I really don't know what I'd do without him. He encourages me, speaks truth/wisdom to me, prays for me, and acts as Coach Chris Masader (say it fast) in the Christmas childrens' play! How can you not love this!?? 

I am praising Him because He loves me and is teaching me how to love better.  Adoption is just about getting a child... it's about love... love for people... all people.  God's love for us, for me, is great. He is preparing my heart to be a mom... a selfless mom.  A frugal, teaching, praying, mom.  I am being taught what it will look like to love Eric.  You know... a lot of us accepted Christ, and were adopted by Him, at a young age.  We have known His love for a while and have learned about Him over the years.  We know what is right and what is wrong in the Lord's eyes and (hopefully) want to follow that.  On the other hand, there are many who have not been taught about Noah, Adam, Daniel, and Mary from the Bible. They don't know about how much they are loved by the King of the Universe until later.  Or maybe they do know... they just stray far, far away from Him.  I see this so much in our youth - not yet loving Jesus more than the world.  Enjoying drinking/partying more because the drunks and other party people "love" them and accept them.  Oh... man... if they could just grasp the deep deep deep love of Jesus. 

It's the same things with kids - those who have had a family from the beginning know (for the most part) they are loved, the rules of the family, and they know how to love back because they've SEEN it and FELT it.  Well, those children... like our Eric... who don't know those things about families, and maybe not about Jesus... have to be loved with no limits, with abandonment, without fear, and deeply! I can't wait to do that. I know it will be hard... but so good.  I know that was a long explanation, but I've just been thinking lots lately... which can be very scary! 

I'm gonna stop on this one - I'm praising Him for these girls... these girls that I love so much. That I want to strangle at times because... they are just being teenage girls and I don't want them to do what I/we did. I just love them. 

So... that was a long one.  My summarizing thoughts... JUST PRAISE HIM! He's got it under control!