vomit on a page...

hola! Once again I haven't blogged in a while, because I feel that if I blog when so much stuff is going on in my head it will just be vomit on a page.  I guess I will just start vomiting away because... well, you might like it. 


I've been learning a lot lately. I think I'm learning a lot because I'm learning to LISTEN. Not only to God, but to my husband, to others, and myself.  I constantly tell the girls they are CHOSEN, HOLY, CALLED, ANOINTED... but SO often I don't see that for myself. I think I am too much... or too little. I can't see the magnitude of which God is transforming me, renewing me, and anointing me for his work. 


I am having some craziness go on in my life... some that I didn't expect and didn't ask for. There are opportunities for me to do things that I did not set out to do... that weren't in MY plans.  This craziness wasn't in my plans because I didn't think I was worthy.  My mind screams that I am ONLY 24, my credentials are LIMITED, my knowledge is LITTLE, my experience is MINIMAL, and WHO AM I??? My insecurities are overwhelming. Really... they are. But, when I choose to listen, God SCREAMS LOUDER "YOU ARE MINE! YOU ARE ENOUGH BECAUSE I AM ENOUGH. YOU ARE ABLE BECAUSE MY POWER IS IN YOU. YOU CAN DO IT BECAUSE YOU WILL DEPEND ON ME!" My heart accepts that. It longs to always believe it. I keep hearing Him ask me "IF NOT YOU... WHO?" He has raised me up. He loves me. 

I am ALWAYS appreciative and in need of prayers. The other day, when lots was happening, I sent a text out to my besties just asking for prayer. I didn't say any specifics (like now)... just asked for prayers. My maid of honor, Em, texted me back that she was praying Isaiah 55 over me. So... I hurried to BibleGateway.com to see what that passage was and... the tears came. My Jesus (and em) know me so well.  Look -

³ “Come to me with your ears wide open.
      Listen, and you will find life.
   I will make an everlasting covenant with you.
      I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David.
 ⁴ See how I used him to display my power among the peoples.
      I made him a leader among the nations.
 ⁵ You also will command nations you do not know,
      and peoples unknown to you will come running to obey,
   because I, the LORD your God,
      the Holy One of Israel, have made you glorious.”

 ⁶ Seek the LORD while you can find him.
      Call on him now while he is near.
 ⁷ Let the wicked change their ways
      and banish the very thought of doing wrong.
   Let them turn to the LORD that he may have mercy on them.
      Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

 ⁸ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD.
      “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
 ⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
      so my ways are higher than your ways
      and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Oh... my heart. It's exactly what I want prayed over me... that HIS PLANS would happen... not my measly little ones. I don't want them. I want my true heart's desire and only He knows it! I want to abandon my insecurities and rest in His promises. They are much better. I am chosen. He will use me. I surrender.


That's what I'm learning... you should too. No, you can't do whatever He's calling you to do. If you could do it, what would be the point in prayer? in trust? in faith? in surrender? YOU NEED HIM!!!! JUMP... He's got this!!! 
See... I told you... VOMIT!!! Yum! 

Onto another subject.  I was given an AWARD!!! :) The Liebster Blog award. It's a big deal... and you know it! :) It was from another bestie, Lindsey Jo. 

Liebster in German means dearest, beloved, or favorite, 

and it is for bloggers with under 200 followers!

The Liebster award is a little game where you give the "award" (I'm waiting on my trophy) to the fav 5 blogs with less than 200 followers!! Then... if you get the award (like me) you have to give it to back out!!! I know you are excited to see who won!! READY? 

Here are my winners:

• Kelly Vaughan, my role model. I'm telling you people... without this lady investing in me, loving me, and believing in me while I was in Knoxville, my life with Jesus would look a lot different. She taught me about freedom, teaching, loving, and leading. Her blog is unbelievable. It should be a book. I will be a learner of Kelly Vaughan as long as I'm here. 
• BACK AT YA Lindsey Jo!! She really is hilarious - online and real life. She's not like the Brad Paisley song "So much better online"... she's really just great. I love her! Go read her blobs and see her little babe Isaac Henry (she's OBSESSED... and I like it)
• My bestie Emily!! When she does blog, it's hilarious, wonderful, and just so lovely. Maybe if you go over there and show her some love she will be more consistent... but maybe not.  I love her dearly and you will too! 
• My youth minister's wife growing up, Michele! She is in China RIGHT NOW getting their daughter, MJ!!! She's precious!! Go see!! Michele is a wonderful, passionate, lady of Jesus!!! She was not a cookie-cutter Baptist church youth minister's wife and I am SO THANKFUL FOR IT!!! Yay for FREEDOM! 
• Our bro and sis, Ashley and Jared!! Without them... I don't know what me and Jacob would be doing. They have been such an awesome example of a marriage running hard after Jesus!!!! Ashley writes a lot about Johanna! she's presh!!!!!! i love her!

CONGRATS!! Now... pick your favs! :) It's fun!