Freedom In Surrender!

First, happy birthday yesterday to one of my favorite people, Kelli! Thankful for my friend!!! Thankful for my pastor's wife!!! Thankful for our relationship... we are each other's comfort here in Troy! :) She's preggers BTW!!! YAY! 

Yep... FREEDOM IN SURRENDER! 

Usually when I think of surrender, I picture someone waving a little white handkerchief, symbolizing weakness and giving up... leading them to captivity under the enemy. Well... not with Jesus. You know, He likes to mix everything up... he likes oxymorons.. so, Surrender is Freedom. Let me explain...

Before Christmas... I literally felt CRAZY with anxiety... CRAZY... really! Anxious over the adoption... mad because we didn't have a picture of our cute fella... nervous that our paperwork was taking so long... upset because I couldn't control it... and just frazzled because that's how I am.  God FINALLY got my attention after a few melt downs... and said HEY! THIS IS MY ADOPTION JOURNEY... I JUST INVITED YOU TO BE A PART OF IT! I LOVE YOU. I FIGHT FOR THE ORPHANS. I WILL HAVE VICTORY OVER INJUSTICE. NOW... SHUT UP... AND LET ME FIGHT FOR YOU. YOU JUST NEED TO TELL MY STORY, WAIT ON ME, AND LISTEN WHILE YOU ARE WAITING. 

Slap in the face, eh? O yes! It is His story. Eric is His. He is working on my behalf! On Jacob's behalf! On Eric's behalf! Yes... He is! 

Now... me and God had some words... I still hate waiting... LOATHE waiting... and He knows it. I still want a picture of my boy... I wish it would hurry up... but I am believing God. I'm surrendering MY plans, MY dreams, MY timeline, MY... MY... MY.  I am trading my worry for His joy, and BOY, is it so much better! 

Beth... Beth Moore that is... gave me a holy slap to the face again this morning. Guess what it was about... WAITING!!! Isaiah 40:31 says that those who wait UPON THE LORD will renew their strength!!! Well, Beth made the point that, for the most part, when we are waiting on/for something and we are constantly discouraged and defeated it's because we are waiting UPON that thing/event and not on the Lord. OUCH!!! That was totally me - waiting UPONG the adoption, the picture, the paperwork, the approval, the hurry up... I WAS NOT WAITING UPON THE LORD!!! If I was waiting upon THE LORD, I would have had strength, joy, perseverance, and peace!!! I definitely did not have that!!! O... we must WAIT UPON HIM ALONE!!!! 

She also said something that encouraged me to infinity and BEYOND! She said, The longer we have to wait, the more the Lord is working for us in the heavenlies!!!! Yes, please work on our behalf!!! isn't that a cool thought though??? I love it! We wait... while He works... because He loves us that much! 

Now... onto my prayer words.  :)
So, since I got married, God has given me different WORDS to pray each year. 

2010 - FREEDOM
2011 - VICTORY
2012 - FAITH/BELIEVE

For 2013, I believe my word is AWARE!!! To be aware of His leading, His plans, and His love.  To know when to talk and when to shut up. To be AWARE of what He is doing... instead of forcing what I want to do.  Yep... awareness is what I need. I like this song for my 2013 prayer word anthem! 

BrAvE - I aM tReMbLiNg InSiDe

I'm really behind on getting my thoughts on this Brave study posted, but I WILL DO IT!!!


Week 4 of the Brave study by Angela Thomas is titles "I AM TREMBLING INSIDE."


We all have fears. We fear things, people, rejection, bad news, etc. The week starts with this paragraph:
From the circle of my fears, I have many times stood PARALYZED in the middle when God was calling me to the edge.  I have SETTLED for safe even though God call, "JUMP into MY arms; I have you!" I have allowed mediocre when I knew God wanted excellence.


That paragraph makes me think of children at the pool.  Their mom or dad is in the pool, they are standing on the edge of the pool, nervous but wanting to jump... desiring to splash into the water.  Their parent yells our "I've got you... come on!" The child trusts. They jump, without fear. They may come up a little startled, water up their nose, or not knowing which way is jump... BUT THEY JUMPED.

Many times, God calls us.  He yells out to us "JUMP!", "Come out of the water!", "TRUST ME!", "follow me", and fear PARALYZES us. Why? Why don't we trust? I don't know the answer to that question. When called to do, to go, to talk... why don't we JUST DO IT? FEAR! Because of our fears, we settle for safety when God has a pool of delight, fulfillment, and eternal joy waiting to catch us in. (I know that's corny but go with it).

Throughout this week of the study, I really honed in on 2 amazing promises of Christ. 

1. HE IS OUR CONQUEROR!!! 

My Jesus conquered sin. He conquered Satan, He conquered death and the grave!! Hallelujah!! 

And guess what??? We are more than conquerors through HIM WHO LOVED US! (Romans 8:37).  He can and will conquer our FEARS and ANXIETIES.  

When I was a little girl (and still some today) I feared many things.  I was terrified of storms, mixer trucks (cement trucks), and something happening to my mom.  I constantly lived in and with those thoughts and fears.  I would cry and hide in thunderstorms because I was so fearful of tornadoes. I would LITERALLY make my mom get off the interstate if I saw a cement truck (thank you RESCUE 9-1-1, that show ruined me!). Everyday at daycare, if my mom wasn't there to pick me up at 5:00, I would freak out. I would have thoughts and fears that something had happened to her. 

We live like that still!  I know people, especially as a women, have worries and fears.  We become obsessed and overwhelmed with fears. We are not called to be worry-warts.  We are called to be faithful. We are called to be conquerors.  I have fears or becoming unattractive. of getting bad news. of having someone I love die. I fear not meeting other people's expectations. I fear making the wrong decision. I fear. I fear. I fear. I forget so often that I HAVE BEEN SAVED!! I have freedom. I have a CONQUEROR. He is the only one who can free us from our fears. CHRIST HAS ALREADY OVERCOME THIS WORLD! 

For all of us who are in Christ, we have NOTHING left to do but PURSUE THE VICTORY!!  How comforting to know that HE IS IN CONTROL!! (I don't have to be because I'm really bad at being in control). We can overcome fear, and RECEIVE VICTORY (ahh... I love that word!) because of the life and blood and freedom in Jesus Christ! 

2. HE IS OUR COMFORTER

Brave means that you turn to GOD for COMFORT. Brave does not mean enduring heartache and trouble ALL ALONE! 

Many of us choose to do it alone. Think we have it under control. WE DON'T. We need a comforter.  We need brothers and sisters to run through trails with.  We need... we are not able alone. 

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3

He is the GOD of all comfort.  He is able to bring ease and FREEDOM from the pain, even in our sufferings. It doesn't matter what you are facing at home, with your bills, at the doctor, at work, in your own heart... HE is the God of all comfort. He is good! 

Angela asks the question 'How have you experienced a deeper comfort that could only come from God?' 

My answer is that I have seen victory in trusting Him. VICTORY! Everything may not turn out like I had planned or had envisioned or had wanted, but when God gives victory it is better than the feeling you get when your favorite sports team wins after triple overtime, nail bitting, field goal!! I have SEEN and FELT and EXPERIENCE victory from Christ and that is my comfort. He isn't my magician who makes everything perfect, but He is the Warrior who battles for my soul, my allegiance, and my victory. I am thankful. He is victorious - I have a husband who hungers for the Word, desires to be a man of Christ, lives a pure life, longs to see lives changed by the power of Jesus' name, lives everyday in a humble and joyful manner, worthy of the GOSPEL! - THAT IN ITSELF IS A VICTORY!  

I don't know what pool you are looking into from the edge.  

I don't know what path you are on that if you moved to the edge, you would see the beauty he is making in your life.

I don't know what mountain he is wanting you to climb to have victory on the top.

All I know is that we should JUMP. We should RUN to the edge. We should hike our way up Mt. Everest to experience victory. We should hit our knees every morning to remind us of HIS TRUTH that has the power to conquer and overcome our fears.  He is bigger. He is greater. He is freedom from our paralyzed, mediocre life!!! 

ViCtOrY!

I thank you for answering my prayer

      and giving me victory!

Psalm 118: 21

Victory is a sweet word and feeling and I have experienced it a lot in the past year. 

This weekend was another taste of victory this weekend - it was good. 

Friday night I was invited to a women's retreat.  I was really excited about it.  (unfortunately, i don't have any pictures of it). These women aren't exactly like me - they have kids, have been married for many years, most of them are teachers, and they have a lot more stories/experience than I do.  I am a strong believer that women and men should fellowship together - all ages, races, etc.  That's how we grow - together. This Christian journey isn't suppose to be traveled alone or with people just like you.  And this Friday night retreat proved that more than true.

There was transparency. confession. tears. laughter. truth. battle against lies. learning. talking. sharing. eating. bible study. journaling. friendship. And it was good. 

We talked and prayed about our church. 

You have to understand - I LOVE MY CHURCH but when you think Southern Baptist... that's our church.  One lady at the retreat was talking about Christians who love the Lord, know the Word, but don't really "get into" the worship - don't clap, dance, shout, cheer, etc - she called them the "frozen chosen." Well... that's a lot of our congregation. Now... don't get me wrong - it's not bad to sit in awe of the Lord or not always swing from the rafters, but when the Spirits moving... sometimes you can't help but follow! So... we talked about being more passionate, vocal, and Spirit-led in worship and during our pastor's message (who has been BRINGING IT!).  We prayed about it and just encouraged each other to do what we were led to do.  

SUNDAY morning rolls around.  (again, remember the SOUTHERN baptist aspect of this).  Worship through singing begins. I am interpreting the service - wish is fun sometimes b/c I can look around and see peoples' faces... sometimes it's NOT fun when everyone is staring back at you with BLANK faces.  But - Sunday was different. I knew the presence of the Lord was there - not just with me but engulfing the sanctuary.  It was good. We sang "Amazing Grace (Our Chains Are Gone)." My good friend, Kelly (WHO GOT A JOB - PRAISE THE LORD) raised her hands in response. This is a big deal.  I even told the Deaf man I was interpreting for to look at her (THIS WAS NOT APPROPRIATE PROFESSIONAL CONDUCT OF AN INTERPRETER! ha!). It was just so powerful for me b/c I have been praying for FREEDOM for so long! Then... the music minister SAYS OUT LOUD IN THE MIC "Come on everyone, put your hands up in worship!" WHAT????????!!! YOU DON'T GET IT!! This is HUGE news! And guess what? PEOPLE DID IT!! There were hands up all over the room! My heart was jumping out of my body and dancing around on the floor! Freedom was beginning!! I know it may not seem like a big deal for some of you b/c maybe your church looks like that each week - but this, my friends, was a huge picture of the POWER OF PRAYER for me. It was a victory for Jesus. 

I enjoyed Saturday as well.  Jacob and I got to have an ENTIRE day together! It was so needed and I hope it happens more. I love my husband. I love to be busy, but WOW I love days together. We got some stuff done at the house - pictures to come!!! I love it! :) 

My God is good and I thank Him for victories!!! The one word to describe my relationship with Christ, the blood of Christ, and my life this year is VICTORY.