Thanksgiving - a tear jerker for sure!

Jacob shared this video during our youth service last week. Right after he pushed play, he whispered in my ear, "Umm... this might make you cry." SERIOUSLY? Might make me cry? I was blubbering like a crazy woman. I couldn't stop. This is so precious. Then he proceeded to tell the youth how thankful he was for me... just showing off and being a great husband.  All the while... I'm in the back of the room playing an impossible game of "GET A GRIP" with myself... I was losing.  Youth were snickering at my loss of control... oh well. Sorry if I made you cry... I sympathize with you!

We are so thankful for adoption and what it means to us. Although I wish, more than anything, Eric was here to celebrate Thanksgiving with his new family this year, it's okay. I threatened many times that if he wasn't here by __________ (insert event) that I would need to be put in an insane asylum. Well... that hasn't happened yet... thank the Lord... not that I didn't need it at times. Eric is still not here, and I'm okay... we're okay... because we believe in a God bigger than time and location. I am beyond thankful for my son regardless of where he is. Yes, life will look different when he actually gets here. Our grocery bill will increase, our sleep will decrease, and the "interruptions" of life will look a lot different... but we can't wait. I can't wait to trip over video game cords/controllers, to have discussions about doing homework, to explain to people that yes... he is my son, to get NO sleep during sleepovers, to spend hours at a ballpark for practice and games, and to cook for 2 very hungry gentleman... who both love candy and meat. Life will look different... but I am so thankful... so so thankful.

I am thankful for waiting (wow... that's tough to say). I am thankful for the learning that comes with it. I am thankful for Jacob... no words here. I am thankful for our family and friends and church... I have struggled with conveying our gratitude to them since day one... Eric's adoption is forever a testimony of the love and community of you all. I am forever grateful to my God - provider, sustainer, keeper of my sanity, lover of my emotional heart, and defender of orphans. I have learned so much since last Thanksgiving. We had no clue what the year would hold and ALL the red tape and PAPERWORK that we would encounter.  We banked on the idea that Eric would be here by this year's feast. God's timing is perfect and not a moment late.

Thankful and expecting great things this year...

Talking to Eric

Happy Friday! 

So on top of my FEAR that I told you about... we haven't been able to talk to Eric since last Wednesday!!! The phones at the orphanage were down... and despite the number of times I would dial the number, hear the busy/not working signal, hang up, repeat... the call would not go through. We weren't able to talk to our Eric. UGH!!!  We didn't even have a way to tell him Happy Birthday. My heart was broken... on top of being utterly fearful.

Not. A. Good. Week. for the emotions! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wanted to talk to our kiddo. We missed him so bad... and just wanted a night like this picture again - with our computer, phone, and Eric on the other end of that call. 

FINALLY... the phones were restored and working again YESTERDAY!!! It's a good thing... or I might have had to hop on a plane to Belize to help get things sorted out... ya know... a mom has to do what a mom has to do! 

Oh my goodness... it was the BEST thing in the world to hear Eric's voice last night on the phone.  We both just screamed, "Eric... WE MISSED YOU!" He told us he missed us too.  We talked about the week, finally told him happy birthday, told him about his AMAZING party, and reminded him of all the people who already love him and can't wait for him to be HOME! We apologized that we weren't able to talk to him and explained that the phones had been broken.  He said that he was getting worried that we weren't coming or calling again.  TEAR MY HEART IN TWO!  He told us that he couldn't wait to be up here with us... oh, how we know.  Ya know... I have all the respect in the world for individuals who work for departments in ALL countries who care for kiddos and work to get them with families... but I just want them  to hurry up! My son is sad... in another country... waiting for us to come. I'm just sayin'... I'd hop on a plane RIGHT NOW and go get him, but there's policies and procedures that must be followed (which I totally understand)... just wish it would happen a little, ok a LOT, faster. 

We sent him a birthday care package - which he got last week. It was complete with cargo pants (as requested), a t-shirt, huge lollipop, an artist's book, drawing pencils, a teddy bear, a card with a picture of us in it, and an entire bag of jolly ranchers! He told us it was the best present in all the world. The day he got it, he said he stayed up and by the next morning ALL the jolly ranchers were gone! HILARIOUS!! He ate them all! He'll fit in well around here! :) 

I love how God is bringing our family together over a phone - conversations, assurance, prayer. It's so good. I seriously CAN.NOT.WAIT for him to be with us. 

Please continue to pray for that medical form. God is good and perfect and in COMPLETE control. He is able and He can get that form to our lawyer. Let's continue to ask in faith. 

Pray for Eric's heart... that God would comfort him and love on him and reassure him that we will NOT leave him as an orphan. We will come for him! 

Thanks for reading this and supporting our adoption by the way. :) 

God's response to my FEAR

I am not a fearful person.
I will do whatever, whenever.
Tell me to go to Africa without a care in the world... done.
Tell me to talk to a stranger - anywhere, anywho... done.
Ask me to interpret/dance in front of thousands of people (we are working on the speaking)... done.
Tell me to adopt a teenage boy from another country... done.
Ask me to lead trips to foreign countries where the language barrier is intense for me... done.
Ask me to scream, shout, yell, and go crazy in front of hundreds of kids as a camp counselor... done.
Tell me to jump off a 45 foot cliff in Jamaica into the ocean... done.

BUT... ask me to W.A.I.T. and I am dreadfully afraid.

I do not know how to explain the utter and complete FEAR I have felt the past few weeks in the final waiting process of this adoption. I want my son here. I want that medical form to HURRY UP. I want to set foot on Belize soil to make Eric a Morgan forever. I want it more than my next breath. But, I have never experienced ANYTHING like this FEAR before. This is not a feeling of uneasiness like I get when I know I'm going against something God has told me to do... it is paralyzing fear and anxiety.  There have been times when I physically feel it coming on... and I can do nothing to stop the intense fear I feel.  I have thought in the past fews weeks that I might have been having a panic attack... I don't know... but it was so against how I am at my core. I am not fearful. I am not anxious. Yes, I am impatient. Yes, I have lots of ideas that I want to work out. But... I am not an all-out anxious person or someone who lives in fear. I'm just not.

The fear that I've felt literally feels like an additional set of clothes being put on me. I know that's weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. I can feel it being draped on me and then I don't know how to get out of it. I have had some breakdowns and pretty sure Jacob thought about running away. Ha! I'm so glad he didn't.

I was confronted by a lot of questions I had to answer:
Why am I so afraid to wait?
Do I really not trust God... still?
Why am I so afraid of the unknown and the silence?
Do I really not believe He goes before me and is a God of details?
Do I only believe God in the good circumstances or will I praise and trust Him even in the chaos and the not-so-pretty times?
Am I just another conditional Christian?
Is this fear a sign of something?
Do I think that God is going to fail us?
Have I really forgotten all His miracles He's done so far?

Thankfully He still wants to teach me. This is what I have learned... am learning -
Unbelief and fear are strongholds/sins in my life. I may not struggle with the outward "biggies" of excessive drinking, drugs, or whatever... but fear is a stronghold that has held me captive recently. IT IS NOT FROM HIM! It's not.

Fear is a liar. It is from the Father of Lies. 

This past Sunday we went to a church plant in Birmingham we had been wanting to attend.  The worship pastor was basically Jacob's mentor growing up.  As he began to pray to open the service, I felt myself become hard towards God. I crossed my arms and tensed up... not really wanting to let Him in... probably because in all actuality when I'm afraid, I'm not trusting. But, as God does, I just felt Him saying, "Daughter... let me work on you. Let me heal you. Let me release you."

I didn't want Him to work on me... because it hurts. He strips stuff away. He shows me the yucky-ness in my heart. He showed me my unbelief and this paralyzing stronghold fear had on me. Its roots were/are deep. But... He showed me His Grace once again. He is so full of grace. When we are trying to be obedient and follow His guidance, his Grace is there. His grace is ENOUGH. He is ENOUGH. He showed me these verses:

¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

His PERFECT love drives out FEAR! Yes!! If I am consumed by His love... I cannot be consumed by fear at the same time. It's impossible. Fear is NOT allowed where His dwells!! I have to rest in His love... not clamor around in my fear. 

⁷ For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

FEAR IS NOT FROM GOD! He gives us power, love, self-disciple, and the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, self-control, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness)... NOT FEAR. 

I cannot let fear have power over me. I must turn my anxious thoughts and dread into even louder songs of praise and thankfulness! He is good. He is faithful. He will not fail us. He is working on our behalf. He loves us in His amazing Grace. He is constant. He is truth. 

I am so thankful for my hubby and his amazing faith.  While I have been FREAKING OUT, he has remained strangely calm and assured. I am praising God for a husband who trusts. Who rests. Who listens. I am so thankful for the days/nights I was filled with fear and he just looked at me and said, "It's going to be okay. God's got this." Yes... yes, He does. And I know that in my heart or head... I don't know which... but the other part has had serious lack of faith. Thankful for a helpmate and leader to remind me of God's faithfulness and think I'm crazy when I doubt. 

Fear is a liar. 

Adoption Awareness Month & Update

November is Adoption Awareness Month! 

Statistics - keep in mind each number represents a CHILD!!! 
There are around 147,000,000 orphans around the world. 
There are around 500,000 children without permanent families in the US alone. 
Each year, around 27,000 youth "age out" of foster care in the US alone.
HIV/AIDS has orphaned around 17.9 MILLION children worldwide.

Staggering...

For Adoption Awareness Month, our new friends from Praying Pelican Missions, Bethany & Eric, featured us on their blog to showcase Eric's story. Read it here! 

There will be/is one less orphan... coming soon to the Morgan home as a SON. So excited. 

But for now... we wait. 

We need ONE medical form on Eric. Once we receive that one medical form, the Article 5 Letter can be sent to us & our lawyer (it's sitting, ready in the US Embassy in Belize... UGH), and then we can go get our Eric!!!! So close... yet more hindrances standing between us becoming a forever family. 

So... PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! We believe God is a God of miracles. So let's pray that medical form gets to our lawyer in Belize THIS WEEK!!!!!!! 

Happy Birthday Eric!!!

This weekend was AMAZING! Thanks to some fantastic friends and family - they had an Adoption/Birthday party for Eric! The party was on Eric's actual 14th birthday.  We wish he could have been here to celebrate with us, but... let's just say that next year's birthday party will be HUGE!!! 

As usual... I'll tell you about the day through pictures: 

Eric's birthday cake! 

3 of my bridesmaids... still besties!! They drove from Huntsville & Nashville to come and celebrate Eric with us! They are the absolute best!!! The other 4 bridesmaids were greatly missed - one is in Africa, one has a 2-week-old boy, and 2 are in Texas. They all sent sweet messages... I just love them. 

I'm 14 months (and years) pregnant! Paperwork pregnant that is. 

Look at all this food!!! This was just one table! There was a ton.  We didn't know how many people to expect. We sent out invitations BUT it was a football Saturday... and kind of a unique idea - having a party for someone who isn't here yet. 

BUT... as we have been MULTIPLE times throughout this adoption process... AMAZED US! 

I honestly don't know how many people came. The house was PACKED... you literally couldn't walk! So many people love Eric (and us)... and don't even know him yet. It was so humbling.  I looked at Jacob at one point and said... "I'm so overwhelmed."  I couldn't let myself really think about all that was happening because I would have broke down in tears. Thank you for coming and loving our son! 

My sweet niece JoJo. 

JoJo helped me blow out Eric's candles.  So sweet. She kept asking where Eric was and then would answer herself, "Oh... he'll be here in a minute."  

Later we were watching the Auburn game... miracle @ Jordan-Hare... and we went NUTS when that touchdown happened. Jojo did NOT understand what was going on, but she looked at her mom and asked, "Oh, is Eric coming soon?" :)

Eric got SO much stuff!! It was incredible - clothes, gift cards, sports stuff, games, and so much more!! Sooooooo blessed! Eric has no idea how much he is loved! 

 And these... 

These are "Labor Socks." Created by some of my besties and me. They are to be worn at every birth/adoption. They have already been work by Lindsey Jo for Isaac Henry and Grant's arrival.  Now... they will be worn in Belize on our Gotcha Day!!! I can't wait to wear these socks and write Eric's name on them!!! (Don't worry... they've been washed!!!) 

 And the amazing hostesses decided to get Eric an iPad!!! He is going to be in heaven!!!! This boy is going to be overwhelmed he's not going to know what to do! 

The hostesses - Ms. Linda, Mom, Mom-in-law, Ms. Julie, Katy, and Ashley (sis-in-law)

So blessed by and thankful for these ladies!!! THANK YOU!! 

Mom and 2 of her sisters!! So glad they got to come! 

Me and my bestie, Em

Me and Mom, Eric's Grann. 

So blessed by this lady - for hosting the party, for working so hard to get things ready for our transition, and just being the best mom/Grann ever!! 

Such a fantastic weekend!!! Can't even explain how amazing it was!! 

Thanks to everyone! 

Our Eric - i LOVE this boy!

Seriously... talking to Eric is our BIGGEST J.O.Y.

He is the best. We look forward to our nightly convos with our boy. We laugh. We learn about each other. We try to figure each other out. We come up with questions to ask. It's the most amazing thing.

I wanted to share a few funnies about our family convos... Yep! Our family!

So, one thing that CRACKS ME UP is when Eric doesn't understand something we are asking him or doesn't know what to say he says, "WHAATT??" Obviously, we will teach him some manners later... you know "ma'am?" or "sir?"... but for now "WHAATT?" is hilarious to me!!! Let me paint the picture  for ya - you know in "The Christmas Story" when Ralphie says the cuss word? He says he heard the cuss word from his friend Schwartz - so Ralpie's mom calls Mrs. Schwartz to tell her of the awful thing her son has done. When Ralpie's mom repeated THE word that Ralphie said, Mrs. Schwartz screamed, "WHAATT?"... Well... all that to say is that Eric sounds like that woman... "WHAATT??" I love it...

Each night we ask Eric if he had thought of anything to talk about/ask.  We just want to give him the opportunity to ask anything he ever thinks of. The other night he said, "Yes, I thought of something... can we get a third dog?" HAHA! WHAATT?? We asked him what he meant and what kind of dog he wanted.  He waited for a minute and said, "Ummm... a pitbull?!"  Haha! He said that he had seen a lot of pictures of pitbulls on the Internet and he thought he might want one! We suggested that he just get warmed up to Walter and Jubi... and we could take him to the pet store to play with the pitbulls.  Oh Lord... (note: I don't have anything against pitbulls... but can you imagine Walter, Jubi, AND a pitbull?)

Saturday night we called Eric and we were talking about different stuff. I asked him if he had ever roller-skated (he had... but he doesn't like rollerblades), go-karted (never), or played laser tag (nope, but he's seen it on the Internet). We have a place in Birmingham that we can take him with ALL those things... CAN'T WAIT FOR FAMILY FUN NIGHT!!!  Somehow we got on the topic of 4-wheelers. Jacob asked Eric if he had ever seen/rode a 4-wheeler. He said he hadn't... but he had seen pictures of ATVs online.  Jacob told him that Eric's grand dad (Big D) has a 4-wheeler he could ride. Eric's response was "WHAATT?? SERIOUSLY?!?!" Haha! It was priceless! We told him that we could take him out to some land and ride him around on it... he was PUMPED! Really... can't wait to do all these fun adventures with our Eric. He's also seen paintball, dirt bikes, and airsoft guns online... yep... my husband is ready to revert back to his teenage years.

Seriously... we have the coolest kiddo EVER. I can't wait for him to be home.

Things to pray for:

• We need Eric's medical forms ASAP!!! Pray that we get it THIS WEEK!!! Once we get the medical, then we can get the Article 5 Letter... then we get court dates!!!! PRAY FOR THE MEDICAL FORMS! 
• Pray for Eric this week. It's his birthday week. I can't even imagine what goes through his mind/heart... not ever having a true birthday party or someone there to truly celebrate HIM. Pray for comfort, love, and for assurance that we are coming for him.
• Pray that he is here for Christmas. This is a huge prayer and our goal.  We hope he is here for the holidays. We know God is capable of moving the paperwork mountains and He is able! 

And here's some pics so you don't forget what we look like: 

Growin' up in the SoUtH...

There are SO many things I LOVE about growing up in the South - 

• Sweet Tea
• Country accents
• Summer nights
• Short drive to the beach.. the REAL beach
• Lightning bugs
• Potluck dinners
• Friday night football
• Fried chicken
• The word "Y'all"
• Country music
• Flip flops
• Sunday morning church
• Southern hospitality 
• Picnics
• Family
• The fact that if a weatherman MENTIONS snow or possibly flurries, all of us rush out to buy milk and bread.

And many more things... 

I love the fact that us Southerners make up our mind about things and never change... such as going to church, Mexican food after church (whatev), our loyalty to our football teams, and our confusion of why people want to move North (I'll never get that). BUT... there are some things that we have set our minds on and walls that have been built that should be shattered with a wrecking ball (not with Miley Cyrus on it though). 

One of those walls... and it's pretty much the Great Wall of China in some places... is the tension between races. It makes me sick. Racism. I know it still exists everywhere, but in the South, at times it is so strong you can feel it. I know that generations back hurts, offenses, and decisions occurred that affected a nation of people. I am not downplaying that AT ALL! But... why are we still tolerating hatred towards one another? We should have learned from it all. There is no race better than the other. There is no language that is supreme. There is no group of people that should lord privilege over another. There is no one lesser. 

Some people say that segregation is supported in the Bible. Wrong. In the Old Testament the separation that was required was because of wickedness and the beliefs of other nations. The other nations and races positioned around Israel, God's chosen people, worshipped false gods and believed in crazy things... opposite of His Truth and Teachings. They were told to separate themselves... so they would be holy and that their nation would remain faithful to God. Although they were disobedient, the command wasn't based on the color of skin... it was based on faithfulness to God. 

To base our feelings, perceptions, values, decisions, and support of something on the color of skin is ridiculous... it just is. 

Christ died for ALL... every color, race, nation, culture, language, tribe... A.L.L. means ALL! EveryONE. Why would be so selfish and proud to decide who we should or shouldn't love or welcome? 

For the past few weeks, our 5th Quarter events, Wednesday night suppers, and Wednesday night youth services have been more colorful - white and black students - and I have absolutely LOVED it!!! I know some of you are probably like... yea... what's the big deal? Let me tell you... it's a huge deal! Jacob and I have prayed for UNITY within The Church since we began in ministry - UNITY within the church walls, UNITY amongst churches, and UNITY with our community... all people. Literally, we both teared up standing in the back of the room looking at our youth... worshipping together... being together... regardless of differences. Beauty. Truly... it's an answered prayer!!! To see other youth, other people welcoming, feeding, and getting to know them is the BEST thing EVER! 

In Jesus' prayer in the Garden... like THE night he was to be betrayed, he said this: 

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

John 17: 20:23

He was praying for us... that we would be UNIFIED. UNITY shows His complete love for us... and His undivided faithfulness to us. When we stand as just the white church, the black church, the Americans, the Spanish, the Chinese, the _________... we are not showing Christ's love... AT ALL! We must stand TOGETHER as THE CHURCH - colorful, multi-lingual, hobos and royalty, princes and paupers, the young the old, the pretty and ugly. Yes, there are differences in looks, cultures, backgrounds, upbringings, and lifestyles... SO WHAT!?!?! 

When you are against people... kids ESPECIALLY... because of their skin color, ethnicity, or background... there's a problem with YOUR heart... not their appearance. 

So, let's all check ourselves, me included. Where do our judgments and prejudices lie? Are our beliefs about people based on how Jesus sees them or from our own bias?? Are we truly LOVING others? 

Let's be willing to have our walls DEMOLISHED in order for Jesus to shine brighter than our traditions, family beliefs, or our own perceptions.  It's not always easy, and we can look for and find things to support our biases... but Jesus is bigger. Let's learn to see people through the lenses of the Gospel.  

Love & Marriage... 10 Things I've Learned

WARNING: This is about to get REAL... and a little sappy. (I've found a new freedom in blogging... not sure where it came from... but we need some REAL TALK people... so buckle up).

This is one of my FAVORITE wedding pics. No big deal... just singing Backstreet Boys to each other... "You are my... fire. My one... DESIRE." Oh yeah!

I love being married. I really do. It's great. It's definitely not perfect... but's it's so good. Life with my best friend, my leader, my biggest fan. Yep. It's good.

BUT I want to throw some things out there that no one told me before I got married. In our Bible studies with the youth/college, we taught about marriage - we believe it's good to study it before you do it... like a test... a FOREVER test. Good to know what you are getting into before you plunge in! So... here's my wisdom:

#1 - Getting married doesn't eliminate your insecurities... it MAGNIFIES them. 
Us girls... we have some issues. When we see a picture of ourselves or think about ourselves, most times negative words come to mind - FAT. yellow teeth. chunky legs. flabby belly. frizzy hair. weird face. glasses. not enough. TOO much. short. tall. gross. knobby knees. pimples. hairy face. strange shape. ________ (fill in the blank).  Usually we are not reinforcing what God says about us "Let the King be enthralled by YOUR BEAUTY" Psalm 45:11.
So... I thought that when I got married all of those crazy thoughts would go away or at least get better because I had someone - someone to think I'm beautiful, to want me, to be with me, to tell me nice things. Before we got married, I did a 5-month boot camp workout - no cokes, no desserts, exercise EVERY day. I was intense... and fit. Still had major insecurities though... but I thought getting a ring on my finger would solve that... wrong. It magnified them. I compared myself to other girls even more... fearing that the same thoughts were going through Jacob's mind - she's prettier, skinnier, more fun, sexier... WHATEVER. Although he wasn't thinking those things... I feared that I wasn't enough.
I HAD to learn to STOP putting my identity in my looks and what I ASSUME others are thinking (even my husband)... it's inconsistent and temporary.
STAKE YOUR IDENTITY AND WORTH IN JESUS!

#2 - Getting married doesn't magically erase past sin or shame... it affects the PRESENT. 
Anybody perfect??? NOPE!! We all have skeletons in the closet... some a little scarier than others, but we all have them. So... don't judge... just learn.
I had some skeletons before marriage... skeletons that Jacob knew about. But they haunted me. I was terrified... marrying a youth pastor with my issues? Probably not a good idea. How would I talk to girls about staying pure throughout school? How could I? How did I have the right to? I carried my "junk" around like a ball and chain... I was ashamed. I don't know why. I guess it was because I had not forgiven myself and thought I wasn't worthy or "clean enough" to be doing what I was going to be doing. I was wrong.
I carried shame into our marriage... and put up HUGE walls between me and my new hubs. Walls that he could CLEARLY see. Thankfully... my husband loves me enough to talk with me about them. I spilled it all - the shame I had and the fear I had that he may one day leave... because it's happened to others. Breaking down my walls... brick by brick... happened/is still happening because my husband loves me and sees me as beautiful... not as dirty and because my God is doing a MIGHTY work in me.
He has forgiven me. He calls me REDEEMED. LOVED. ACCEPTED. CLEAN. PURE. HOLY. BELOVED. BRIDE. WHOLE. ENOUGH. RESTORED.
Why would I believe anything less about myself?

#3 - Getting married doesn't terminate all sexual temptation... the Enemy is sneaky. 
Although this is not fun or churchy to talk about... sexual sin is destroying the Church and society! DESTROYING. Secret sins... sins that no one can see... sins that can be hidden... temptation that is lurking in every commercial, TV show, website, and billboard.
Lust. Pornography. Lies. Thoughts. Actions. All these things are KILLING marriages. We must MAKE war! Spouses have to be able to talk about things with each other. If you aren't talking about these things to your husband/wife, the CLOSEST relationship you can have on this earth, then WHAT ARE YOU DOING? The Enemy doesn't want to make you sad, or give you temporary pleasure, or mess up your marriage... HE WANTS TO DESTROY YOU. Stand your ground. Fight hard! It's worth fighting for! Secret sins.. ESPECIALLY those that are sexual in nature are crippling and devastating.
We are MORE than conquerors! Romans 8:37

#4 - Getting married doesn't satisfy all of your expectations/dreams... you gotta talk about them! 
In my head... when I became Jacob's wifey... I thought he expected me to be SUPERwoman. House spotless. clothes washed. yummy homemade food each night waiting for him when he got home. catering to his needs.  bed made. underwear folded. always happy. the PERFECT wife. yada yada yada. I couldn't do it. I felt squashed under all the expectations I THOUGHT he had of me.
Finally... I just had to tell him... I CAN'T DO IT!! I can't live up to the perfect wife - the house will get dusty. I am not the best cook. I will do laundry once a week. I have limits...
He pretty much looked at me like "Where did you get that from? I never expected all of that from you? I married you... for you." Oh... so I was suffocating myself for expectations I THOUGHT were placed on me! ASK. TALK. BE HONEST. Your spouse will never be your parent and you will never be theirs - good or bad. Your spouse is an individual and has lots to offer... learn what those gifts are!
Stop putting your fantasies or expectations that cannot be reached on your spouse. They will fail... they are human. You will fail them... we mess up. Marriage isn't what Hollywood portrays... it's better than the movies when it's filled with honesty and HUMAN-ness... not impossible ideals.

#5 -  Getting married doesn't mean you can continue to live a life of independence and on your own schedule... you are a team. 
I'm pretty independent. I'm an only child and have always created my own schedule and lived my own way. In college, I did my own thing, volunteered for everything, was never home, and always on the run. When we got married, I thought I could keep doing my thing... filling up every minute of every day with MY stuff. Yea... doesn't work that way.
I learned really quick that decisions about agendas and volunteering need to be decided TOGETHER. It shouldn't be telling the other what you are doing... it's talking about it together... figuring where it is best to invest your time and when it's best to be home. This was a hard lesson for this hard-headed independent gal to learn.
BUT... when things are decided together, when you support what the other is involved in... home is a happy and healthy place to be!

#6 - Getting married doesn't require you to stop dating... nope... you gotta fall more in love.
I've never struggled with this one. I LOVE dates with my hubby. When he asks if he can take me on a lunch date, on a dinner date, on a lay-at-home-all-day date... I still get giddy. I love spending time with him.
IF you are not currently dating your spouse... do something about it! If you never spend quality time JUST Y'ALL... you need to change that. Your relationship with your spouse should come before any other commitment or any other relationship (including you children). The only exception is your commitment to the Lord (that does not mean if you are in the ministry your job comes before your spouse).
Date your spouse... until the day you die! Fall more in love with them each day.  It's true... I love Jacob far more today than I did on our wedding day. I didn't think it was possible... but dating each other throughout our marriage has made the difference.

#7 - Getting married doesn't mean you stop hanging out with your friends... you'll go CRAZY! 
I see many couples who just get in their married bubbles and stay there. Okay... I love Jacob but if I didn't have my friends, I would go insane!!! There is something that only girl friends can do for us girls. We need each other. We need laughs, inside jokes, long nights of talking, sappy movies, yelling for no reason, pictures together, and time together. Boys need boy stuff - guns, hunting, fishing, video games, trucks, and... all that other stuff.
Don't cut yourself off. It's like a girl in high school who has a boy friend... and is obsessed with him.  One day they break up and she looks around and realizes that she's distanced all her friends. Although you WILL NOT break up because... heads up... MARRIAGE IS FOREVER... don't distance your friends... continue to love them well.

#8 - Getting married doesn't end the fun... it makes it more meaningful! 
When Jacob and I go out to eat at restaurants, we always try to guess who is married and who is dating. The couples dating are smiling and chatting and talking lots. The married ones are usually the ones sitting... in silence... glancing up every few minutes to make a comment... and then focusing on their food again... not smiling much. I DO NOT WANT THAT TO BE US! I love to laugh with Jacob... I actually think he's funny... and boy, does that bring him joy! Fun in a marriage is more meaningful than laughter anywhere else... my opinion. It builds trust, love, and hope.
One of my favorite things this year was going to Charleston this summer with the hubs. It was a crazy trip... filled with lots of hiccups and detours, but I LOVED every second of it because it was with Jacob!
Don't ever stop having fun together! Do things that only married people should do - wink. wink. nudge. nudge. Ha!

#9 - Getting married shouldn't burden you with lists and responsibilities... it should encourage respect and a look from a different perspective. 
Honey-Do lists. Wish lists. To-Do's... be careful. I know my man... he does NOT like to be told what to do. Actually when I "tell" him what to do it makes him want to do it LESS. It's not because he doesn't love me... it's just because he feels like I'm bossing him around.  We have to be careful how we treat each other.
Yes, BOTH spouses need to help out. BOTH spouses have to do their part. BOTH spouses have to support each other and the family. BUT how we approach those responsibilities need to be thought out.  Don't boss each other. Don't hold it over the other. If you are a busy body like me, don't expect your husband to never want to sit down or breath or slow down. Some people like to sit and do nothing (still don't understand this concept). Learn how to approach each other!
****** I've learned a trick! It's my favorite thing EVER!!! If you want your hubby to do something or change his mind about something but you don't want to bring it up because it might cause an argument... but you REALLY feel strongly about it - PRAY! Tell God! It's awesome... and hilarious... when you hubby "comes up with the idea" on his own!! Haha! Really it's because you asked and believed! :)
Disclosure: Careful what you ask for!

#10 - Getting married doesn't stop you from dreaming... now you dream together.
NEVER.STOP.DREAMING. Before, my dreams were me-centered. What I would do. Where I would go. What my dream job was. Who I wanted to become. I'm learning that when you dream together they are even better, more powerful, and more fun! I would have never dreamed I would be working as a missionary with an adopted teenager.  That's so much better!