Talking to Eric

Happy Friday! 

So on top of my FEAR that I told you about... we haven't been able to talk to Eric since last Wednesday!!! The phones at the orphanage were down... and despite the number of times I would dial the number, hear the busy/not working signal, hang up, repeat... the call would not go through. We weren't able to talk to our Eric. UGH!!!  We didn't even have a way to tell him Happy Birthday. My heart was broken... on top of being utterly fearful.

Not. A. Good. Week. for the emotions! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wanted to talk to our kiddo. We missed him so bad... and just wanted a night like this picture again - with our computer, phone, and Eric on the other end of that call. 

FINALLY... the phones were restored and working again YESTERDAY!!! It's a good thing... or I might have had to hop on a plane to Belize to help get things sorted out... ya know... a mom has to do what a mom has to do! 

Oh my goodness... it was the BEST thing in the world to hear Eric's voice last night on the phone.  We both just screamed, "Eric... WE MISSED YOU!" He told us he missed us too.  We talked about the week, finally told him happy birthday, told him about his AMAZING party, and reminded him of all the people who already love him and can't wait for him to be HOME! We apologized that we weren't able to talk to him and explained that the phones had been broken.  He said that he was getting worried that we weren't coming or calling again.  TEAR MY HEART IN TWO!  He told us that he couldn't wait to be up here with us... oh, how we know.  Ya know... I have all the respect in the world for individuals who work for departments in ALL countries who care for kiddos and work to get them with families... but I just want them  to hurry up! My son is sad... in another country... waiting for us to come. I'm just sayin'... I'd hop on a plane RIGHT NOW and go get him, but there's policies and procedures that must be followed (which I totally understand)... just wish it would happen a little, ok a LOT, faster. 

We sent him a birthday care package - which he got last week. It was complete with cargo pants (as requested), a t-shirt, huge lollipop, an artist's book, drawing pencils, a teddy bear, a card with a picture of us in it, and an entire bag of jolly ranchers! He told us it was the best present in all the world. The day he got it, he said he stayed up and by the next morning ALL the jolly ranchers were gone! HILARIOUS!! He ate them all! He'll fit in well around here! :) 

I love how God is bringing our family together over a phone - conversations, assurance, prayer. It's so good. I seriously CAN.NOT.WAIT for him to be with us. 

Please continue to pray for that medical form. God is good and perfect and in COMPLETE control. He is able and He can get that form to our lawyer. Let's continue to ask in faith. 

Pray for Eric's heart... that God would comfort him and love on him and reassure him that we will NOT leave him as an orphan. We will come for him! 

Thanks for reading this and supporting our adoption by the way. :) 

God's response to my FEAR

I am not a fearful person.
I will do whatever, whenever.
Tell me to go to Africa without a care in the world... done.
Tell me to talk to a stranger - anywhere, anywho... done.
Ask me to interpret/dance in front of thousands of people (we are working on the speaking)... done.
Tell me to adopt a teenage boy from another country... done.
Ask me to lead trips to foreign countries where the language barrier is intense for me... done.
Ask me to scream, shout, yell, and go crazy in front of hundreds of kids as a camp counselor... done.
Tell me to jump off a 45 foot cliff in Jamaica into the ocean... done.

BUT... ask me to W.A.I.T. and I am dreadfully afraid.

I do not know how to explain the utter and complete FEAR I have felt the past few weeks in the final waiting process of this adoption. I want my son here. I want that medical form to HURRY UP. I want to set foot on Belize soil to make Eric a Morgan forever. I want it more than my next breath. But, I have never experienced ANYTHING like this FEAR before. This is not a feeling of uneasiness like I get when I know I'm going against something God has told me to do... it is paralyzing fear and anxiety.  There have been times when I physically feel it coming on... and I can do nothing to stop the intense fear I feel.  I have thought in the past fews weeks that I might have been having a panic attack... I don't know... but it was so against how I am at my core. I am not fearful. I am not anxious. Yes, I am impatient. Yes, I have lots of ideas that I want to work out. But... I am not an all-out anxious person or someone who lives in fear. I'm just not.

The fear that I've felt literally feels like an additional set of clothes being put on me. I know that's weird, but I don't know how else to explain it. I can feel it being draped on me and then I don't know how to get out of it. I have had some breakdowns and pretty sure Jacob thought about running away. Ha! I'm so glad he didn't.

I was confronted by a lot of questions I had to answer:
Why am I so afraid to wait?
Do I really not trust God... still?
Why am I so afraid of the unknown and the silence?
Do I really not believe He goes before me and is a God of details?
Do I only believe God in the good circumstances or will I praise and trust Him even in the chaos and the not-so-pretty times?
Am I just another conditional Christian?
Is this fear a sign of something?
Do I think that God is going to fail us?
Have I really forgotten all His miracles He's done so far?

Thankfully He still wants to teach me. This is what I have learned... am learning -
Unbelief and fear are strongholds/sins in my life. I may not struggle with the outward "biggies" of excessive drinking, drugs, or whatever... but fear is a stronghold that has held me captive recently. IT IS NOT FROM HIM! It's not.

Fear is a liar. It is from the Father of Lies. 

This past Sunday we went to a church plant in Birmingham we had been wanting to attend.  The worship pastor was basically Jacob's mentor growing up.  As he began to pray to open the service, I felt myself become hard towards God. I crossed my arms and tensed up... not really wanting to let Him in... probably because in all actuality when I'm afraid, I'm not trusting. But, as God does, I just felt Him saying, "Daughter... let me work on you. Let me heal you. Let me release you."

I didn't want Him to work on me... because it hurts. He strips stuff away. He shows me the yucky-ness in my heart. He showed me my unbelief and this paralyzing stronghold fear had on me. Its roots were/are deep. But... He showed me His Grace once again. He is so full of grace. When we are trying to be obedient and follow His guidance, his Grace is there. His grace is ENOUGH. He is ENOUGH. He showed me these verses:

¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

His PERFECT love drives out FEAR! Yes!! If I am consumed by His love... I cannot be consumed by fear at the same time. It's impossible. Fear is NOT allowed where His dwells!! I have to rest in His love... not clamor around in my fear. 

⁷ For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

FEAR IS NOT FROM GOD! He gives us power, love, self-disciple, and the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, self-control, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness)... NOT FEAR. 

I cannot let fear have power over me. I must turn my anxious thoughts and dread into even louder songs of praise and thankfulness! He is good. He is faithful. He will not fail us. He is working on our behalf. He loves us in His amazing Grace. He is constant. He is truth. 

I am so thankful for my hubby and his amazing faith.  While I have been FREAKING OUT, he has remained strangely calm and assured. I am praising God for a husband who trusts. Who rests. Who listens. I am so thankful for the days/nights I was filled with fear and he just looked at me and said, "It's going to be okay. God's got this." Yes... yes, He does. And I know that in my heart or head... I don't know which... but the other part has had serious lack of faith. Thankful for a helpmate and leader to remind me of God's faithfulness and think I'm crazy when I doubt. 

Fear is a liar. 

I can't make this stuff up people...

God is good. Yep. 

Here's what happened - 

Tuesday night I was feeling super fearful... just that things wouldn't work out, that the birth certificate wouldn't come, and about the long day Wednesday was sure to be. I didn't tell Jacob how I was feeling... just sat there, worrying to myself about all the "what if's." We knew our final paperwork from the adoption agency couldn't be sent to the US government (don't worry - the shut down won't affect anything) until Belize sent Eric's birth certificate. So... I was freaking out a bit. 

Unbeknownst (big word, huh?) to me, the birth certificate was sitting in my email inbox the entire night... while I was busy being paranoid. Wednesday morning when I finally checked my email, my heart jumped for joy... I opened the attached birth certificate... and stared at the name printed on the line - the given name of our son:

Eric EMMANUEL Chi

Seriously, God? WOW! You should know... I absolutely LOVE names and the meanings they hold.  I told you here about how the name Eric means FOREVER.  And this middle name... the name Emmanuel... meaning "God with us." A holy slap in the face to my fear-stricken heart - Eric "forever" Emmanuel "God with us"... our son's name. 

I CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP PEOPLE!!! God is all over this! It's nuts. 

ALSO... on Wednesday, we got an email that said we are FINALLY able to call Eric!!!!!! YAY!! We can finally communicate with him! :) We tried calling the number last night... and had no luck. Oh, I can't wait to hear his voice... to say, "Eric, we are coming for you!"... to tell him we love him... to tell him about all of you - the people who love him and don't even know him... to tell him we can't wait for him to be home. To listen to him... to know him... to know his favorite color, to hear the stories of his life, to smile and laugh and cry with him!!!! Praying that someone picks up the phone this afternoon so that we can talk with our boy!!!! :) 

BUT even now... this early Friday morning... my heart is fearful and scared of the "what if's." I know... how? God has proved Himself so true and so faithful every step of the way.  Yes... I know, but I am so human and so prone to fear and doubt. I KNOW He is Sovereign. I just want our Eric here for Christmas. The facts of the process and the lengths of time some of those things can take send me into a whirlwind of unbelief. Here's what has to happen next:

Our i-800 (last big paperwork) was sent yesterday to the US government (USCIS) for approval.  This could take up to 5 weeks to get our approvals back. 

Then, that is sent to the US Embassy in Belize. The US Embassy then sends us an Article 5 letter (whatever that is...), which could take up to 3 weeks. 

THEN... they set court dates/travel dates for us to get our son! HOORAY! 

Praise the Lord we are talking in WEEKS now. Praise the Lord that our God is able to move mountains. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE join with us in praying that the paperwork is processed and approved quickly - that the i-800 takes LESS THAN 5 weeks. That the Article 5 letter takes LESS THAN 3 weeks. That court dates are set in December BEFORE the holidays so that days off don't conflict with getting our kiddo! I know He is ABLE! I know He is working on our behalf! Please pray with us that, as long as God's will allows it, this process would be the fastest its ever been. 

Also...

Here is a poem that one of our new friends (an adoptive momma herself) sent me as encouragement. The words of this are so true. In the waiting... He is constantly teaching and molding and equipping and loving us. It's long... but oh so good. And although I have hated many minutes of the WAIT... I would do it all over again because of the leaps and bounds it brought me with the Lord. 

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .

And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. 

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

GOD IS GREAT!

So... I have to give an update ALREADY for my yesterday's post. 

Recap - we received our referral (THE EMAIL) on September 3rd. We were told then that we were still waiting on the birthday certificate and the waiver of the mom's rights (given several years ago). 

Jacob and I have been praying for this since then.  Well... this weekend I started to get anxious and fearful about it because it wasn't here STILL. So, I started praying specifically about it... then I asked others to pray specifically with us. 

Yesterday, not an everyday thing, Jacob and I spent some time in the morning in prayer together, asking God specifically for those forms and for Eric to be here by Christmas. 

All day... we got nothing from the social worker. 

Last night at the college service (Please note - our college service isn't your typical group - it's a close knit group that prays for each others "stuff"), I issued an invitation to anyone in the group who felt the strong need for prayer. Some of the students requested we stop and pray for them... so we did. Then, Jacob spoke up. He's not one to out right ask for prayer in a group, so I was excited. He just told the group that we were frustrated. We want our Eric here by Christmas (OR BEFORE) and were really just needing these 2 forms. It's frustrating when, in our mind, it's a simple task to send a form they should have readily on file. So, one of our students (who has been with us since 7th grade) prayed for us - sweet moment in itself. 

After college was over and after chatting a while us some of the students, I decided (for some reason) to check my email.  And there... in the inbox, sent at 6:13pm (before church services started) was an email from our social worker indicating that she had received the form and we could send our LAST paperwork for our Eric!!!! WOOHOO!! 

AWESOME.  So, like Daniel (that I'm studying)... I felt like the Lord was saying:

As soon as you began to pray, a word went out...

Daniel 9:23

For some reason yesterday, I just knew that God was working on our behalf.  In my journal, I wrote down some words from the Daniel Bible study I'm working on - thanks Beth:

"As many times as you've prayed before, TODAY may be the day when God sends the answer so swiftly- so divinely - that you are windburned."

Amen. BOOM SATAN! 

There is no reason to doubt our Lord. He is so good. He is so faithful. Pray. Prayer is a powerful tool. Thank you so much is joining us to pray for these forms. Intervening for Eric!!!! 

So what's next:

We will send our LAST paperwork off TODAY! 

Those forms could take up to 5 weeks to be approved. 

Once approved, we will (I am almost positive) get our court dates (aka TRAVEL DATES) at that time! 

Then... we will go get our boy! 

Praying him home... 

yard sale time

We are so blessed. I am reminded - even if I have to remind myself - how amazing the people around us are and how faithful our God is. And... even when we can't see the actual movement of His hand... He is always working on our behalf.

So, this weekend we went to the B'ham to have a yard sale. We had a LOT of stuff!!! It was awesome. We did it Friday & Saturday. Friday's weather was PERFECT!!! I mean... PERFECT! We started early... unloaded my mom's whole house basically and started with customers about 6:45 AM! We went strong all day. 

*The black blob in the picture above is Jubi :)

We got to meet lots of people, tell our/Eric's story to many new faces, and we got to be with our family... which blessed my little heart! 

Saturday... we knew it was a very big chance for rain. I was trying to "pray it away"... do an "anti-rain dance"... or something... but the rain came. We turned the YARD sale into a GARAGE sale. 

Although we didn't have as many customers, it was AMAZING and so good for our hearts to see the people who came out in the pouring rain to hug our necks/hand us a check. It was amazing. People from our church growing up, others who have experienced the LABOR (in the best way) of adoption, and just people who knew our story.  They stood in a garage, filled with stuff, just talking about life and encouraging us on our journey. It was good...  

Over the entire weekend - with people buying stuff at the yard sale, people giving us checks even though they couldn't make it to the sale, and from a cake auction my mom-in-law helped with - WE RAISED OVER $2,000 TO HELP US BRING ERIC HOME!!! AMAZING!!! Doesn't that make you just wanna jump and sing? ME TOO! 

So... thank you.  Jacob and I have had such a hard time of how to say thanks... a "Thank You" is so not enough. I can't wait for us all to meet Eric. To hug him. And for you to love on him too. His smiling face will be the best Thank You we could offer.  So... keep praying.

Specific prayers we are praying right now:

- We need Eric's birth certificate and the waiver of rights from his parents (from 11 years ago)! Once we have those, we can submit our LAST papers for his visa... and then we can go get him! 

- Pray for Eric's heart. Pray that he knows that he is loved beyond measure by the King of the universe... and his new parents waiting for him in Troy, AL. 

- Pray for the people working with our case. Pray blessing over their lives and that they would hurry it up. :) 

- Pray that Eric would be home by Christmas.  That is my heart's goal!!! What a fantastic Christmas that will be here if he's here! 

I know prayer is powerful.  God is longing to be gracious to us... to unite this family together.  And He answers and responds to His people praying... so please join with us in praying our Eric home! 

How abundant are the good things

    that you have stored up for those who fear you,

that you bestow in the sight of all,

    on those who take refuge in you.

Psalm 31:19

And... I made my first meatloaf. I used my Aunt Sue's recipe... I've never eaten anything bad my aunt made so I thought it was a good choice. And... drum roll please.... Jacob ate 2 servings! :) YAY! I am not a meatloaf fan... I would prefer some yummy salad than a loaf of meat... but it's Jacob's favorite. So, after 3 1/2 years of marriage... I gave in and made it.  success. 

Have a great week. 

ONE LAST PUSH - ADOPTION!

Happy weekend! 

So... we got word this week that we are JUST waiting on our referral... THAT'S ALL!! The referral is our pictures of our Eric (and maybe Ziggy), the medical records, education level, and TRAVEL DATES!!!!! Woo hoo!!! We are expecting this ANY day... please note that "any day" could mean tomorrow... or in two months... we are at the mercy of the Belizean government. 

Either way... we want to be prepared.  Thanks to our AWESOME God and you amazing people, we have the funds for the last payment for the actual adoption.  We are still raising money for the travel fees.  


Travel fees include:
2 round trip flights to Belize = around $1,700
1 ONE-WAY flight from Belize (for Eric... oh happy day) = around $500
Hotel cost
Transportation in country
and everything else that goes into traveling... 


We want to include you on this last piece... leaving a personal touch on bringing our boy(s) home! We started this fundraiser last year, but I have not done a good job of following through with it, so NOW'S THE TIME! 

It's the PUZZLE FUNDRAISER!!! Our LAST push for our adoption funding!!! HALLELUJAH!!! Here's the deal:

We probably have about 400 puzzle pieces left

Once you 'purchase' a puzzle piece (see directions below), we will write your name, friend/family member's name, or family name on the back of the puzzle piece. Once it is completed we will hang it in one of the clear picture frames so you can see the front and back. It will hang in our Eric's room as a reminder of all the people that helped to bring him home. Plus it will give us a lasting record of who helped make this possible.

 Step 1: buy a piece of the puzzle for $10 (or more whatever you like!) just click on the donate button above to purchase or contact us for other methods of payment, then we'll write your name on the back of the piece. 

When you pay through PayPal, you can enter the name you want on the piece in the comment box! 

Our goal is NOW 400 pieces which would be a HUGE step in raising our travel fees - $4,000!

 

Step 2: once it is completed we will hang it in our Eric's room in a double sided frame so you can see the back with all the names of the people that helped to bring him home! How awesome will it be for Eric to see all of the people who have loved him before they even knew him! 

Step 3: spread the word! I'm having a hard time thinking of 400 people I know!

Here's what the completed puzzle will look like: 

So... would you help us get Eric home? 

I can't wait to show you all the pictures of our beautiful boy when we get them!!!!! Be on the look out!!! :) Let's keep praying him home! Our God is faithful and He hears our prayers! 

AdOpTiOn UpDaTe - 9 months and holding!

Hello world.

I'm not really sure if Adoption is the "New Pregnant"... but I'm 9 months right now and looking good! :) As someone put it the other day to me, "Adoption is just like pregnancy... you are just in your third trimester longer." I liked it, but I am thankful I don't have stretch marks, strange bodily fluids, or crazier-than-normal hormones to go along with it.

I do know I feel one thing that ALL pregnant women feel in their 9th month - I'M READY FOR THIS KIDDO TO GET HERE!!!! :)

I think I'm ready to give an adoption update. Sometimes I'm just selfish and I don't want to talk about where we are in the process because it feels like it never changes... but it really does.  I am SO thankful that people that people love us and Eric (& Ziggy) and want to know about what's going on... but sometimes it's just hard. I don't know if that makes sense if you haven't ever experienced adoption... but sometimes when you want something SO bad and you don't have the answers and you feel a little lost... it's hard to answer all the questions from people who care.

So FIRST - THANK YOU for loving us! Thank you for asking! Thank you SO much for praying! Thank you for wishing and hoping and waiting with us!!! Thank you for supporting and encouraging us! THANK YOU! And I'm sorry when I don't have the words to say in response... 

So... to recap.
We met Eric almost a year ago, July 16th will be one year since we first saw his beautiful face. He is 13 years old.
We began our adoption journey in September of last year. We were approved for 2 kiddos with our paperwork on the USA side. Now... to answer some questions

How much money do we still need to raise?
GOD IS A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.! He has raised a whole lot of money over the past 9 months for our adoption. It's been incredible... really.  Yes, we worked out booties off, but He is a BIG GOD! The only money we lack now is travel money.  Hallelujah! When we get our travel dates, we will do some big fundraisers to raise the remaining funds.

Since we are approved for 2 kiddos, does that mean we will get 2 kiddos for sure?
We hope so, but that's not always how Belize/international adoptions work. We are approved for UP TO 2 kiddos, so Belize could choose to allow us to adopt 2 or just one.  We will FOR SURE get Eric - that just makes me so happy to say - and may be blessed with a second one... affectionately nicknamed Ziggy (no, it's not the real name... just a nickname so we don't have to call it "the other one"). We are hoping for 2... 2 less orphans... but we trust God and He knows what He is doing either way.

THE BIG QUESTION: WHEN will we get them? What are we waiting for? 
We don't know when we will actually be traveling to get them yet. We are waiting... and living... and planning... but not planning.  It's a weird place - we don't want to plan too far in the future for things because we don't know when the time will be, but we don't want to sit around and do nothing... so it's just a bit awkward.
We are waiting on the paperwork on the Belize side. Here's the run down of the process actually going on over there right now:
Once they get our dossier (the HUGE packet of papers we sent over in February), they review it to see if it meets all laws, regulations, requirements, etc.
Once that is done, they match us with a child that is available for adoption (ERIC... and possibly a Ziggy)
Once they match, they write up a referral (the pictures, the medical info, the education info... basically everything they have on the child) and they send it to our lawyer in Belize (which we have)... and THEN TO US!  HIP HIP HOORAY!
Once we get the referral, we have to do the last bit of paperwork to make sure all the visas are finalized and then... we get travel dates!

We know they have reviewed our dossier. We know they have matched us with at least Eric and we know they are working on our documentation.
NOTE: Everything in Belize is done on Belizean time.
We actually received an email yesterday that let us know that some documents were being sent to our lawyer in Belize... SO... we are hoping and crossing our fingers and toes and eyes and legs... that it means we are getting close!

Can you do anything? 
Yes... PRAY! Pray for...
Eric, Ziggy, and all the other orphans. That they have hope and know they are loved. That God would defend the fatherless as He has promised.  That His Church would rise up and care for them. 

Each person handling our paperwork. That they would be blessed as they work to bless us in making our adoption a reality. That they would work fast and efficiently... without error. I know one name in Belize that has worked on our paperwork - Pauline. Pray! 

Every adoptive family waiting... IT'S HARD. Pray for learning, comfort, joy, and peace. Pray that they see God in every, single step. 

Jacob and I, and our family, as we wait. I can't wait to have a picture, to hold a hand, to get a hug, to tuck him in, to ride bikes together, to decorate rooms, to celebrate the finalization! 

The future - whatever that means. for wisdom in the transition - where to go to school, how to parent, how to love, how to answer hard questions, job, and how to give God the most glory for all of it! 

Treasure in Remembering...

The other day I was looking through my old journals for something. I don't usually do that, but I was searching for something in particular- I found it and more. 

On my search I couldn't help but start reading my entries.  Now... journaling for me is just praying. I have to write my prayers or there is no telling where my brain would end up.  I know if I write I will at least finish a sentence, AND it is awesome (as I will tell you) to go back and SEE God's faithfulness.  He is so faithful.  I would recommend journaling to EVERYONE! :)

So, I started reading.  I taught myself... which is funny to me.

I have been fretting about praying and figuring out how to do it and what it's suppose to look like... and I learned and REMEMBERED that I already know how. I just write... everything... and then offer it to Him... and wait for His answers.  My times spent journaling have been some of the richest.. because it was time unhurried, unstructured, and just me and God.  I needed to be reminded of that.  To be reminded there is no formula, special words to use, or magic involved... it just heart cries... and mine just happen to be written in old scraggly books. 

I read about many things... all screaming out the faithfulness of God:

working at Pine Cove Christian Camps in Tyler, TX (TIMBERS!) - freaking out about being a camp counselor, rejoicing when campers got it, praying hardcore for each girl in my cabin, etc.

precious entries of praying for my besties in Tennessee... loving time living with and surrounded by them. 

working at a Deaf camp in Illinois and not having a clue what I was doing! - I was so overwhelmed, exhausted, and wiped out. He restored me...

planning for our trip to Africa in 2009 - FREAKING OUT about money! writing over and over again about how I was amazed that the money was coming in... more than enough. And then writing like 50 pages about our actual trip! 

preparing and praying for marriage - trying to figure out how to be a wife... wigging out because 2 months before we got married neither one of us had a salary, no place to live, etc. Then... getting a call and offered a job (no interview... they didn't even know me). Jacob becoming interim youth pastor Jan 1 after we got married. 

We are called to remember. We are reminded to treasure... and then WORSHIP.  I know David did: 

I remember the days of long ago;    

I meditate on all your works

and consider what your hands have done.

6 I spread out my hands to you;

I thirst for you like a parched land.

7 Answer me quickly, Lord;    

my spirit fails. 

Do not hide your face from me

    or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

8 Let the morning bring me word 

of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I entrust my life. 

9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,

for I hide myself in you.

10 Teach me to do your will,

for you are my God; 

may your good Spirit

lead me on level ground.

Psalm 143:5-10

Just over and over and over reminded of His faithfulness.  The treasures in remembering!!! 

I noticed things in my writings and prayers that I have lost touch with (youch...), but 2 things really struck me that I kept using in my prayers. They really taught me a lot.

Over and over again I would write, "Lord, I desperately need you!" 

It didn't matter the situation... I just KNEW I needed Him. Gosh, how my heart forgets that when it gets busy and self-sufficient. I do desperately need Him. I want my heart to remember that each day. I know God answers and listens and response in my desperation and humility. I too often get proud and self reliant. And that just leads to problems. 

I also noticed something kind of interesting. I'm not sure exactly where it came from... but I like it.  I wrote many thank yous to God for "kissing me." You know... like a Daddy kisses His daughter on the head? A little quirky I know... but a cool picture. I would thank Him for kissing me with a beautiful sunrise... for a sunny day... for the little presents He would leave me throughout my days.  He kisses me often still... but I don't take time to thank Him for the little delights... the things that mean so much. 

It's good to remember... to treasure... the cherish.... to relearn. 

It refreshed me. It gave me a renewed/old perspective that is full of freedom and expectation.  An attitude of praise and love for my Daddy.  A heart that I know I can write out on paper and offer up to Him each morning... that's sweet. 

What a GREAT weekend of refreshing... building... and change.

Can't wait to share more... 

Overwhelmed... yet satisfied...

It's been a while... I know. Lot's going on - physically, mentally, and emotionally. 


End of the semester craziness at work.
Dance recitals! Fun times... just BUSY! Here's my class! :) 

I told you my class feel apart... so these are the 2 that remained. :) We had a good time. It was hilarious when people realized it was me on stage... lots of church people stunned that I was a dancer.  Come on people! Get with the program... it's my life! Recital was good... lots of crazy girls with loud shoes on! Loved it.


We also had another Youth Sunday. God is GOOD!!! It was amazing!! :) Freedom will come to Troy! 

I know I've talked a lot about prayer... because I believe it's the way we tap into the power and presence of God... influencing CHANGE and MIRACLES.  Well... I got serious about asking Him, "Lord, teach me to pray." I found out when you do that... He gives you a TON of stuff to pray for. 


Through all of it - my asking, my requests, my overwhelmed heart, my seeking... He is teaching.  I'm thankful He hasn't given up on me and I know He never will. He continues to teach me and I learn... when I am available, humble, and LISTENING! 


So... what is the point of prayer? 
TO KNOW HIM! That's it! TO KNOW HIM! It's not to get results.  Yes... He always answers. He does show up. He is all powerful and is the God of miracles.  But the point of prayer is to know Him. To worship Him. To delight in Him and let Him delight in me. To SIT with Him. To hear and obey. For fears to be calmed because of WHO He is... not the situation I am in. For JOY and PEACE to be shared because I TRUST Him. To know Him... and to want to know Him more. 


The point of all things is to KNOW HIM.  The point of cancer, sickness, conflicts, thorns, struggles, death, and the burden of lost people is not to make us miserable and seek results... is for us get on our faces and to learn more about our Almighty, Amazing God through it all!  To get upset with God because He doesn't answer the way WE EXPECT is to miss the point of prayer.  To know Him... that is eternal life.  Jesus prayed that for us in John 17! Full satisfaction... true living happens NOT when we have everything we want, when things are good, or when all are healthy. True living happens when we KNOW God and long to know Him more. 


Francis Chan slapped me in the face the other day with one of his podcasts.  He was talking about prayer and read Psalm 27:4:

I'm asking God for one thing, 

only one thing:    

To live with him in his house       

my whole life long.    

I'll contemplate his beauty;       

I'll study at his feet. 

This is a "transcript" of one of David's prayers.  His ONE (1) request is that He just be in God's Presence... just adoring, worshipping, and studying with Him. THAT'S HIS ONE REQUEST!! Franny asked what the transcript of my prayer would look like. Umm... Would my ONE request be to just KNOW God? Umm... no. How I want my heart to just long for that. To know Him... knowing He will listen to my heart's desires as I listen to His. To TRUST Him in ALL things. To just contemplate His BEAUTY and study at his feet. 

What does the transcripts of your prayers look like? 

So... what do we pray for?
Any and everything.  1 Timothy 2:1 says the FIRST instruction of worship is to pray for ALL people everywhere. So... DO IT! I get overwhelmed with my ever-growing prayer list but my overwhelmed-ness just boils down to my laziness! We have to PRAY people! Stop with the excuses! 

Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14