Summa Time!

I love summer. It's wonderful. It's sunny and hot. Everyone feels better tan. You can swim. THE BEACH. BBQ. FLOWERS. windows down. trips. friends. It's just good!

I've been enjoying all of these things lately.  Here's what I have coming up this week (PUMPED):

• Go to SC to see Em!! Woot woot! We are gonna cuddle and talk and eat and beach it and laugh.

Yep... she juggles! 

• Go to Student Life Camp at Lee University with the yutes! Lots of Jesus. Lots of fun. Can't beat it! We have Unhindered and Tony Merida leading us!

Our group last year at LA Tech! 

Hi Tony Merida! I love you because you love orphans! 

• Spend the night with the Cokers

pumped for Isaac Henry and Auntie Ann time! 

• Marry my friend Kir Kir off in Knoxville!! 

Presh.  Kir Kir graduated with me and was along for the African adventure! 

Can life get better? Prob not! 

I'm excited about all of it. 

That's really all I have to say :) Have a Terrific Thursday! 

F-R-E-E that spells FREE!!!

Yep. I like this here journal. My momma got it for me. This pretty much sums up what I've been learning and embracing the past 2 weeks... FREEDOM!!!!!

Sometimes I get in a rut of following rules... of playing the part. I don't like that. It is empty and full of lies. I don't want to follow the rules just because people expect me to.  I want to follow Jesus because I love Him. I want to live like He did because that's my heart's desire.  I don't want to appease everyone and what they think I should be or look like or whatever... I just want to be ME loving JESUS. That's all. That's FREEDOM.

Jesus doesn't come at us with a long list of rules.  Yes... He gives us His Word... but that's an invitation to love Him and to know Him.  He asks us to count the cost, to surrender our lives, and to live in FREEDOM and JOY and PEACE and HUMILITY and RIGHTEOUSNESS and HOLINESS.  He doesn't kick us out of His arms if we are a little too loud, have a tatoo or earrings, etc... He just wants to love on us... and us delight in Him in return.

I think we as Christians get SO consumed with following rules and performance sometimes that we forget to have FUN and LAUGH!!! Our job as Christ followers is to make Jesus attractive... because HE IS! If we constantly have our nose stuck in the air, never letting our hair down, and not laughing until we cry at times... Jesus seems boring, outdated, and truly just a Savior with a bunch of rules.  We don't do a good job making Him attractive. The church in Acts was attractive. I'm sure they laughed with JOY and worshipped like crazy.  Yes, they were probably terrified when faced with persecution... but people obviously wanted what they had to offer! Do people want what we have to offer?

So... LAUGH!!!! Laugh often. Have fun conversations. Throw a dance party (by yourself or with a group of friends!). Do some crafts.  Don't DO your TO DO list! Go out of your way to meet a stranger. WORSHIP like crazy. Talk about JESUS. LOVE Him... don't just follow rules.

We have to stop being up-tight Christians. The enemy so longs for us to be characterized as judgmental, rude, stuck up, boring people. Jesus wants His Bride to be known as life-givers, joyful, laughers, peaceful, and LOVING!

I love the 3 words on the journal... LIVE YOUR DREAM.  Golly... I want to.  I love my life right now... I really do, but there's something more I dream of.  I don't think it's in vain. I don't think it's stupid... although I used to.  To LIVE MY DREAM... I can't sit around and expect it to jump on my head... I have to pursue it. How? Nike says it best... just do it. What is my dream?? you may ask... I just want to love on women and girls. I want to speak (crazy... I know). I want to write. I want to love on people. I want to teach. I want to travel and meet people. I want to learn others' stories. I want to learn more about Jesus. I am so thankful for my job now and the opportunities I have with it and the people I know because of it... BUT my heart isn't okay with sitting in an office forever... no no no... it wants to GO! And I plan to.  I do NOT want to miss out on the BIG dream God has planted in me.  It is rooted in me. I am praying it will become reality. I am a dreamer...

23 on the 23rd

Here's to one of my besties - it's her birthday! 

To be exact... it's her Golden Birthday!! She's 23 on the 23rd!!! 

We met at the good ol' Rocky Top! Rocky Top Tennessee! 

She was my first friend there.

We met at the BCM and fell in love... 

We were awesome - 

both brunettes, both have Mazda 3s, had the same computer, both pretty awesome too... basically the same person.

She later told me that it was a good thing I had short hair at the time, because she can't be friends with long-haired gals! Whew... glad I decided to chop my hair off before relocating to Knoxville!  

She's WONDERFUL. She can make Ursula laugh. 

She loves people and is the best cook I know under the age of 45! 

She is a great blogger - READ IT!

She is a great friend. She loves Jesus. 

And she has the cutest baby ever... meet Isaac Henry 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSEY JO!!!! 

HaPpY tUeSdAy

I love people. I love the beach. I love laughing.

I have enjoyed all of these things recently.  I strongly believe that laughter IS the BEST medicine.  Well... maybe 2nd best... the beach might take the cake on that one.  One of my favorite things is laughing until I cry... that's the best thing ever.

Me and my got to enjoy a few snort laughs while at the beach together. It was a GREAT time... 2 day trips because my dog is high maintenance and needy... and my husband didn't want the youth taking of our house and Walt. Haha!

Me and mom had a GREAT time.. doing NOTHING except for looking at the ocean, eating yummy food, and watching strange people.  I wish I had taken a picture of this one girl, but I was so confused I couldn't function.  Let me explain - her and her family walked out on the beach... tra la la... she is OBVIOUSLY preggers! We knew she had a baby in there... probably 7 or 8 months along. Anyways... she takes of her cover up and has a one piece on... you know one of those swimsuits that is basically a strap around your neck that connects to the crouch area! All her junk was out! It was very... interesting. I felt bad for her... but she was unashamed so... more power to ya lady! :)

Last weekend we got to see some great people who are about to get hitched! The future Kohen's had a shin dig at this cute little restaurant in the middle of NOWHERE! It was precious.  Saw something interesting there too, but was too confused and nervous to take a pic of this either - a dog who had his own wheelchair! Crazy... I know. Apparently the dog was born with a twisted spine and it's back legs never worked so... they made it a wheelchair.  I know what you are thinking because I thought the same thing... there is a hole for it to poop through! Whew... Anyways... here's some cute pics from the fun times with the future Kohens (Elizabeth was busy talking to everyone so we didn't get a pic with her. SMILE)

And... one of our favorite things to do at our home is laugh. I love my family :)

El Roi

I am thankful for my God who SEES ME. He is my El Roi.


EVERYday when Jacob and/or I walk in the door and let Walt out, or when he needs attention, or when he needs to poop... he will come and jump on us (I prefer to call it giving us a hug). EVERY time, without thinking, Jacob and/or I will look at him and say "I see you..." "I SEE YOU Walt..."
That's what we, as humans, want too... to be SEEN... REALLY seen. To be KNOWN. To be understood and acknowledged for something other than an annoyance or another number. TO BE SEEN... it's a good feeling.


WARNING - I'm about to BEAR it all.
WARNING - If you are going into ministry... you will probably understand this at some point.


Often times, especially in ministry, I feel EXPOSED. This is different than SEEN. I LOVE LEADING. I LOVE LIVING AS A ROLE MODEL AND AN ARROW FOR CHRIST.  So many younger eyes looking to me... it's terrifying sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on parade... people (young and not so young) are always looking at me and to me... waiting for me to do something great or to royally mess up. They are looking to me for answers... my wisdom/knowledge (and lack of) are always on display.


Christy Nockels song "For Your Splendor" says it best:
Sometimes it's hard to grow when everyone's watching...


EXPOSURE...
It makes me think of a flasher in a trench coat... haha! Just bearing it all...
Although they are a little more willing to show it off... I feel like I have to do the same (spiritually, mentally, and emotionally) at all times. I feel like I'm always ON... eyes on me... and my husband.  Emotions always in check... joy on my face. No allowance for a mistake.  Please hear me... I know this is not all true but my weak heart feels crazy sometimes.  Sometimes I just want it to be okay to make mistakes... to be messy... to vent... to learn... to be molded and shaped by mentors... to just take a backseat.  


But... called has called the Morgans to be on the front row. 
To be willing to be exposed. 
To live, love, and lead above reproach. 


And what I have found in the past 2 weeks is that He is my SHIELD. 


I love you, Lord, my strength. 
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:1-2


He is the God who sees... who sees my exposure. My fears. My hesitations. My insecurities. My love for Him.  
When I want to run and hide in a closet because I feel eyes... He shields me. He covers me. HE SEES ME. He is teaching me to REST behind His shield... to not go beyond His protection... and to be okay with EXPOSURE SO THAT He may be glorified. 


So thankful for a God who SEES and embraces my messiness... and uses it for His splendor. He is bringing out my beauty because of my messiness. He is my ROCK. My SAFE PLACE. 


Thankful that I am SEEN... 

Mom's Day!

Happy Mom's Day to the BEST Mom EVER!!! :) 

Your mom can't beat my mom... that's for sure! 

It's been just me and my mom since I was in the 2nd grade.  She's my biggest fan. She's never been too busy.  She's never missed a dance recital... even though they were FOREVER long and I was always in the worst mood! She was always in the stands for my high school and college dancing events. She loves me... even when I PMS! She has shown me how to love Jesus and how to love people.  She is always smiling. She loves her family more than anything. Here's her and her cute sisters:

She is a lover of track suits, flip flops, HUGE sunglasses, and leggings... even when they aren't "in style." She loves hot sauce, diet dr pepper, and cheez-its. She loves teaching Sunday School to little young 'uns.  I have never heard her yell or cuss. 

She has trusted Jesus with her life and mine... she even trusted Him to let me go to Africa with 3 other crazy girls by ourselves!!!  

She is leaving a legacy of JOY, devotion, LOVE, and integrity.  She has shown me the importance of having fun, not bringing work home, and the importance or caring and remembering people. 

My favorite things to do with my mommy are road trips, shopping sprees, and beach days! Just time together is... perfect! I have been called Kay Johnston, Jr. for as long as I can remember.  I am quite alright with becoming just like her! :) 

I love my mommy. 

Here's 3 generations... lovely 

Here's my other mommy... Mrs. Christina! I love her too! 

She and my mom are a force for the Kingdom.

They know how to LOVE without hindrance.  

I am thankful for my mommy, my grandmother, and my mom-in-law!! 

I am blessed...

I plan to soak up all they have to offer!! 

Happy Mother's Day! 

We got a fence yo!!!

So... if you didn't know... my husband is AWESOME!!! And he is manly...

HE BUILT A FENCE!!!!! 

I was a little leery about this whole fence building busy... and by a little I mean a lot.  We were going to get Lowe's to build it for us, but they were gonna charge $1,800 in LABOR ONLY!!! cough, cough... NO!  So Jacob become the builder!  I'm pretty darn proud!

Look at the mastery work!!!

Our potentially cute patio! :) I'm inspired now to make it cute! 

You are impressed too aren't ya??? Yep... I know! And if you wanna pay him $1,800 for labor... I'll loan him out! haha!

Now... even though he is pretty much Superman... he did have some help building this. Our pastor, Andrew helped a lot and some of the youth/college students dropped by for a bit. But there was one man who was here the entire time and even came over to work by himself because he's CRAZY! :)
This man is Barrett! You can read SOME of his story here.

 I don't know what to say except that God is good. This man wasn't expected to live as of January 25, 2011... not he's building fences!! Yep... that's MY GOD!

Building... it's hard work. Jacob was beyond sore after he built and built... our fence.  In another perspective... Barrett is building his life back. His "normal" looks a lot different than it did before January 25, 2011.  His family looks a lot different... His faith looks a lot different... His strength and body is a lot different...

BUILDING...

It's hard, but He is faithful. He is so faithful.  He brings people and friends alongside (like my hubby) to help with the process. Yes, Barrett helped with building our fence... and my hubby is ALL IN in helping Barrett with the re-building of his life.

Friendship. It's a great thing.
Building. It's a hard thing.
Accountability. It's a messy thing.

The results of building...  security, a fortress, a monument proclaiming a job well done, more muscles for the next project, experience, and learning that won't be forgotten.

We are pumped about our fence and Walter CAN'T WAIT to get out there and go bonkers!!!!

Treasure in Remembering...

The other day I was looking through my old journals for something. I don't usually do that, but I was searching for something in particular- I found it and more. 

On my search I couldn't help but start reading my entries.  Now... journaling for me is just praying. I have to write my prayers or there is no telling where my brain would end up.  I know if I write I will at least finish a sentence, AND it is awesome (as I will tell you) to go back and SEE God's faithfulness.  He is so faithful.  I would recommend journaling to EVERYONE! :)

So, I started reading.  I taught myself... which is funny to me.

I have been fretting about praying and figuring out how to do it and what it's suppose to look like... and I learned and REMEMBERED that I already know how. I just write... everything... and then offer it to Him... and wait for His answers.  My times spent journaling have been some of the richest.. because it was time unhurried, unstructured, and just me and God.  I needed to be reminded of that.  To be reminded there is no formula, special words to use, or magic involved... it just heart cries... and mine just happen to be written in old scraggly books. 

I read about many things... all screaming out the faithfulness of God:

working at Pine Cove Christian Camps in Tyler, TX (TIMBERS!) - freaking out about being a camp counselor, rejoicing when campers got it, praying hardcore for each girl in my cabin, etc.

precious entries of praying for my besties in Tennessee... loving time living with and surrounded by them. 

working at a Deaf camp in Illinois and not having a clue what I was doing! - I was so overwhelmed, exhausted, and wiped out. He restored me...

planning for our trip to Africa in 2009 - FREAKING OUT about money! writing over and over again about how I was amazed that the money was coming in... more than enough. And then writing like 50 pages about our actual trip! 

preparing and praying for marriage - trying to figure out how to be a wife... wigging out because 2 months before we got married neither one of us had a salary, no place to live, etc. Then... getting a call and offered a job (no interview... they didn't even know me). Jacob becoming interim youth pastor Jan 1 after we got married. 

We are called to remember. We are reminded to treasure... and then WORSHIP.  I know David did: 

I remember the days of long ago;    

I meditate on all your works

and consider what your hands have done.

6 I spread out my hands to you;

I thirst for you like a parched land.

7 Answer me quickly, Lord;    

my spirit fails. 

Do not hide your face from me

    or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

8 Let the morning bring me word 

of your unfailing love,

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I entrust my life. 

9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,

for I hide myself in you.

10 Teach me to do your will,

for you are my God; 

may your good Spirit

lead me on level ground.

Psalm 143:5-10

Just over and over and over reminded of His faithfulness.  The treasures in remembering!!! 

I noticed things in my writings and prayers that I have lost touch with (youch...), but 2 things really struck me that I kept using in my prayers. They really taught me a lot.

Over and over again I would write, "Lord, I desperately need you!" 

It didn't matter the situation... I just KNEW I needed Him. Gosh, how my heart forgets that when it gets busy and self-sufficient. I do desperately need Him. I want my heart to remember that each day. I know God answers and listens and response in my desperation and humility. I too often get proud and self reliant. And that just leads to problems. 

I also noticed something kind of interesting. I'm not sure exactly where it came from... but I like it.  I wrote many thank yous to God for "kissing me." You know... like a Daddy kisses His daughter on the head? A little quirky I know... but a cool picture. I would thank Him for kissing me with a beautiful sunrise... for a sunny day... for the little presents He would leave me throughout my days.  He kisses me often still... but I don't take time to thank Him for the little delights... the things that mean so much. 

It's good to remember... to treasure... the cherish.... to relearn. 

It refreshed me. It gave me a renewed/old perspective that is full of freedom and expectation.  An attitude of praise and love for my Daddy.  A heart that I know I can write out on paper and offer up to Him each morning... that's sweet. 

What a GREAT weekend of refreshing... building... and change.

Can't wait to share more... 

I can see clearly now...

I went to the eye doc today... it's been a while.

I have a strange eye situation. I only use my right eye because my left eye has amblyopia (it means lazy eye... my muscles didn't finish growing... they just stopped). So basically my brain ignores my left eye and just uses the right guy for all it's visual information.  I only wear one contact... in my right eye - it's the better of the bad.  God just made my eyes to have problems.  I feel bad when I think about people in the old times... what did they do if they couldn't see? No glasses... no contacts... gosh! AWFUL!

I've always had poor eyesight... it's hereditary... from my nanny.  People used to ask me what I saw or what it looked like.  I could never really explain it.  It's just really blurry.  Sitting in the doc's office today... it was REALLY blurry.  The doc and his assistants introduced themselves.  I answered with a "hi! I have no idea what you look like because I can't see, but it's nice to meet you." And... I really couldn't see because my prescription got stronger by 1.0!! That's alot! But sitting there... wishing things were clearer then what I was perceiving got me thinking... I'm often like that with God.

Able to see glimpses of His beauty and plan... but not being able to focus because I'm relying on my own vision!  Trying to get my finite and limited "eye" sight to see and explain His infinitely GREAT plan.

By doc asked me if I knew a lot about my amblyopia... I told him that I knew it meant there's nothing really they could do for lefty and that the word meant "lazy eye."  He looked at me and said, "It means your right eye is all you got so take care of it!"  YES SIR! 

Vision is SO important to me. I have to have vision to interpret, to see my hubby, to see Walter, to see creation... I have to take care of mr. righty. If something happens to my right eye... too bad. I have to protect my eye - sunglasses, taking breaks from computers, wearing the right contacts, etc. It's the same with our God vision. We have to protect our vision.  We have to keep focused... keep seeking for clarity.... 

We have to be careful about the lens we use to filter how we see and live in this world.  Is our lens the Word of God... is it our own opinion... culture??? What is it? In order to truly see the world as He intends for us to, we have to depend on the lens of God's Word and the Holy Spirit.  I'm telling you... without my contact lens I'd be a MESS!!! I remember when I wore glasses.  At dance recitals, I didn't wear them because I wanted to look pretty ya know? Well... sometimes beauty comes with a cost, because when I got on stage I couldn't see, I didn't know who people were or where I was suppose to be... so I'm sure at times I was flailing around trying to find my spot... not to mention the front of the stage!! haha! I can't imagine going one day without my contacts now!!! Wooo buddy! 

That's how we should be with the Word too.  It should be our contact lens... our filter... our clarifier.  God is not a God of confusion... but of clarity and boldness.  He wants to reveal things to us... our eyes just have to be focused on Him.... and focused through Him. 

Because I now have the right contact prescription and my eyes are all checked out... I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW!! Sometimes our prescription for clarity might be a specific Bible passage, a time of worship, a loving/harsh word from an accountability partner, unhurried time with Jesus.  But... HE directs our path, He clears the way, He focuses our vision.  Stop depending on you to do it... He is the "eye doc." I know... corny. But He is.  He takes off the old (contact) and puts on the new. He changes our heart and mind... and certainly changes our vision and passions. He is good. 

Overwhelmed... yet satisfied...

It's been a while... I know. Lot's going on - physically, mentally, and emotionally. 


End of the semester craziness at work.
Dance recitals! Fun times... just BUSY! Here's my class! :) 

I told you my class feel apart... so these are the 2 that remained. :) We had a good time. It was hilarious when people realized it was me on stage... lots of church people stunned that I was a dancer.  Come on people! Get with the program... it's my life! Recital was good... lots of crazy girls with loud shoes on! Loved it.


We also had another Youth Sunday. God is GOOD!!! It was amazing!! :) Freedom will come to Troy! 

I know I've talked a lot about prayer... because I believe it's the way we tap into the power and presence of God... influencing CHANGE and MIRACLES.  Well... I got serious about asking Him, "Lord, teach me to pray." I found out when you do that... He gives you a TON of stuff to pray for. 


Through all of it - my asking, my requests, my overwhelmed heart, my seeking... He is teaching.  I'm thankful He hasn't given up on me and I know He never will. He continues to teach me and I learn... when I am available, humble, and LISTENING! 


So... what is the point of prayer? 
TO KNOW HIM! That's it! TO KNOW HIM! It's not to get results.  Yes... He always answers. He does show up. He is all powerful and is the God of miracles.  But the point of prayer is to know Him. To worship Him. To delight in Him and let Him delight in me. To SIT with Him. To hear and obey. For fears to be calmed because of WHO He is... not the situation I am in. For JOY and PEACE to be shared because I TRUST Him. To know Him... and to want to know Him more. 


The point of all things is to KNOW HIM.  The point of cancer, sickness, conflicts, thorns, struggles, death, and the burden of lost people is not to make us miserable and seek results... is for us get on our faces and to learn more about our Almighty, Amazing God through it all!  To get upset with God because He doesn't answer the way WE EXPECT is to miss the point of prayer.  To know Him... that is eternal life.  Jesus prayed that for us in John 17! Full satisfaction... true living happens NOT when we have everything we want, when things are good, or when all are healthy. True living happens when we KNOW God and long to know Him more. 


Francis Chan slapped me in the face the other day with one of his podcasts.  He was talking about prayer and read Psalm 27:4:

I'm asking God for one thing, 

only one thing:    

To live with him in his house       

my whole life long.    

I'll contemplate his beauty;       

I'll study at his feet. 

This is a "transcript" of one of David's prayers.  His ONE (1) request is that He just be in God's Presence... just adoring, worshipping, and studying with Him. THAT'S HIS ONE REQUEST!! Franny asked what the transcript of my prayer would look like. Umm... Would my ONE request be to just KNOW God? Umm... no. How I want my heart to just long for that. To know Him... knowing He will listen to my heart's desires as I listen to His. To TRUST Him in ALL things. To just contemplate His BEAUTY and study at his feet. 

What does the transcripts of your prayers look like? 

So... what do we pray for?
Any and everything.  1 Timothy 2:1 says the FIRST instruction of worship is to pray for ALL people everywhere. So... DO IT! I get overwhelmed with my ever-growing prayer list but my overwhelmed-ness just boils down to my laziness! We have to PRAY people! Stop with the excuses! 

Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14