El Roi

I am thankful for my God who SEES ME. He is my El Roi.


EVERYday when Jacob and/or I walk in the door and let Walt out, or when he needs attention, or when he needs to poop... he will come and jump on us (I prefer to call it giving us a hug). EVERY time, without thinking, Jacob and/or I will look at him and say "I see you..." "I SEE YOU Walt..."
That's what we, as humans, want too... to be SEEN... REALLY seen. To be KNOWN. To be understood and acknowledged for something other than an annoyance or another number. TO BE SEEN... it's a good feeling.


WARNING - I'm about to BEAR it all.
WARNING - If you are going into ministry... you will probably understand this at some point.


Often times, especially in ministry, I feel EXPOSED. This is different than SEEN. I LOVE LEADING. I LOVE LIVING AS A ROLE MODEL AND AN ARROW FOR CHRIST.  So many younger eyes looking to me... it's terrifying sometimes.  Sometimes I feel like I'm on parade... people (young and not so young) are always looking at me and to me... waiting for me to do something great or to royally mess up. They are looking to me for answers... my wisdom/knowledge (and lack of) are always on display.


Christy Nockels song "For Your Splendor" says it best:
Sometimes it's hard to grow when everyone's watching...


EXPOSURE...
It makes me think of a flasher in a trench coat... haha! Just bearing it all...
Although they are a little more willing to show it off... I feel like I have to do the same (spiritually, mentally, and emotionally) at all times. I feel like I'm always ON... eyes on me... and my husband.  Emotions always in check... joy on my face. No allowance for a mistake.  Please hear me... I know this is not all true but my weak heart feels crazy sometimes.  Sometimes I just want it to be okay to make mistakes... to be messy... to vent... to learn... to be molded and shaped by mentors... to just take a backseat.  


But... called has called the Morgans to be on the front row. 
To be willing to be exposed. 
To live, love, and lead above reproach. 


And what I have found in the past 2 weeks is that He is my SHIELD. 


I love you, Lord, my strength. 
The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:1-2


He is the God who sees... who sees my exposure. My fears. My hesitations. My insecurities. My love for Him.  
When I want to run and hide in a closet because I feel eyes... He shields me. He covers me. HE SEES ME. He is teaching me to REST behind His shield... to not go beyond His protection... and to be okay with EXPOSURE SO THAT He may be glorified. 


So thankful for a God who SEES and embraces my messiness... and uses it for His splendor. He is bringing out my beauty because of my messiness. He is my ROCK. My SAFE PLACE. 


Thankful that I am SEEN...