Do you REALLY trust me???

hi there.

So me and God have been talking a lot.
I actually think I beginning to WAIT how He's been asking me to WAIT this whole time... resting in Him.  It feels much better.
I have new hunger for His Word... because it's the ONLY thing that REVIVES me.
I have new passion for prayer... because that's where I belong... in His Presence.
I have new excitement for serving... because that's where He works.
I have new joy for learning... because that's where wisdom lies.
It's good.

But... the more I talk to God and ask Him what He wants with me... I just keep sensing Him ask me,

"DO YOU REALLY TRUST ME?"

A month ago I would have responded, "Yes, I trust you... BUT I think you are letting me down right now... I'm suppose to be going to get my kiddos."  Two months ago I would have said, "I trust you... BUT I'm terrified and unhappy." In December, I probably would have said, "NO... I'm gonna take this all over and do it myself." - BAHAHAHA! That would have turned out well... NOT! September, I would have said, "Yes I trust you... BUT I feel beyond crazy and more than inadequate."

Within the past 2 weeks, God has brought me to a place that I can truly say, YES I TRUST YOU. Whatever happens, I trust You. Whatever you take us to, I trust You. And then I say... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP MY UNBELIEF.  There are areas still occupied by fear, by insecurities, by lies, by my own agenda. He will help my unbelief. He will deliver. But... I really do TRUST Him. He REALLY is good and faithful and loving.  Whatever happens, good or bad, I trust Him.

GOD CANNOT BE UNLOVING TO US! He IS love... and He cannot change His character. He IS faithful... He cannot be UNfaithful. He IS those things. When we place our agenda and dreams and plans on Him... we seem Him through unfaithful lenses and un-good lenses... but that is with our LIMITED, FINITE perspective.  Oh, He is good.

I don't really know what this question means coming from God right now. Kinda freaks me out.  But I can say from the depths of my heart that I TRUST Him. I love Him. I love KNOWING Him. He is my Satisfaction. He is my refuge. He is my Lord. He is the King.

I heard a song my Christ Tomlin this morning called Sovereign... I LOVE IT! Here's the lyrics:

Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm, with me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark, with me at the dawn

In Your everlasting arms,
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end I can trust You
In Your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way I will trust You

All my hopes, all I need,
held in Your hands
All my life, all of me,
held in Your hands
All my fears, all my dreams,held in Your hands

So... do you REALLY trust Him? With everything? Your agenda? Your time? Your dreams? Your kids? Your marriage? Your job? Your money? Your... your... your...

Do you TRUST Him that He is who He says He is, that He can do what He says He can do, that you are who He says you are, that you can do ALL things through Christ, and that His Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE in you????

I'm believing Him. I pray with every breath, every day, every... everything... I believe Him. He WILL NOT FAIL YOU! He will not disappointment you! He IS BETTER! JESUS IS ENOUGH!