Holding Back

Have you ever held back something?

Maybe you held back tears? Held back from telling someone exactly what you thought? Held back your feelings for someone? I'm sure we've all HELD BACK.

I am HOLDING BACK in life right now.  God has recently revealed this to me.  I have been praying for FREEDOM - for myself, our church, our youth, our community... and I am HOLDING BACK.

I feel like I have put myself in a straight jacket... and I have to figure out the way to freedom.

I know it's kind of a strange concept, but that is what my heart feels like.  I am HOLDING BACK in loving others, in praying with power, in speaking TRUTH, in wholly worshipping, and in discerning and obeying what God is telling me.  

I honestly don't know what living FREELY as a Jesus-follower looks like, but I know I have so much to learn, to let go of, and to do! I REFUSE to become complacent, mediocre, and apathetic... I WANT FREEDOM!!! 

I want to go, to do, to PRAY, to love passionately, to lead, to discern, to follow, to speak, to call, to write, listen WITHHOLDING NOTHING!!!!! 

I want complete freedom with Christ!!!! I want it. 

But... how?

How do get to a place of total abandonment of my selfish desires, my impurities, my attitude, my agenda, my judgments?  I don't know. I know I don't want to live in a straight jacket anymore so I will search and seek and ask and find my God and live FREELY in His presence. I will rely on Him... not me. I will love Him... because He loves me.  I will pray passionately... because He listens.  I will strive for VICTORY... because He has already won.