loss... a day of honesty

So. This week has not been good. Things haven't worked out how I wanted them to. I had plan. I had HOPES but... i feel loss.


First - one of my favorite ladies in the world, Kelly, experienced loss this week.  I have written about her before. She has been a mentor, encourager, teacher, friend, and so much more.  She was the Bible Study leader for the girls group that I "helped" with.  Really - I was learning just as much as they were.  Anyways... i could go on and on.  Last year, Kelly was pregnant with triplets and two of the precious boys are now with Jesus.  Charli, the little girl who is now 13-14 months old, is a beautiful picture of how our Creator turns ashes into BEAUTY.  Amazing story.  Now, her husband served as a youth pastor and was let go by the pastors in the church this past week.  i tried to imagine the loss and the hurt that they feel going through that. feelings of inadequacy. feelings of doubt. feelings of hurt. feelings of a faith family that is lost. feelings of fear. of searching. of loss. i hurt for them. i ache for them.  Honestly, if someone implied to my husband that he wasn't doing his job well or was inadequate for what the church had invisioned, I would be IRRATE! I would also be so upset at the thought of losing relationships with the youth that we had invested so much into. My heart breaks for them. they are beautiful. they are strong. they have hope.  You can read their story here.


Second - one of my close friends where I live now was pinked slipped this week at the school where she has served as a 6th grade teacher for the past year. Not to mention - she was let go of the school she was working at the year before.  she is a good teacher. she is good at her job. they say budget cuts. i understand, but that sucks. WHY? I think it's okay to ask why. I can't imagine, especially for a women that is passionate about her job - the feeling of loss and inadequacy that she feels. SHE IS NOT INADEQUATE! I hate that feeling. i loathe it.  it is from the Enemy. it is a lie. it is hurtful. i know she is scared and doubtful of what will happen next year. where she will work. i know she believes in her head that God is in control, but her heart is still terrified. my heart is broken for her.


Third - we lost another house. are you kidding me? this is the most discouraging thing for me. i feel dumb. i have talked about getting this house to many people. i have hoped. i have planned. i have imagined. now... it won't happen. yea yea... it's for a reason, but sometimes I just want to be sad. We had the house inspected; it failed. my heart was broken. THEN the bank (the house was a foreclosure) said they would fix it. my heart was so... EXCITED (for lack of a better word). The house was fixed. It looked great to us. The house was inspected again. still failed. my heart is BROKEN. I want a house. i want that house. can't have it. now... we have to start the process again and... i am dreading it. I know God knows what's happening. I know. I know! I want to trust. I'm learning patience (because He's forcing me to - ha!). I have to trust. I must depend. I know it might seem like a simple problem or hope, but that's where i am right now. Compared to the loss that's happening around me... i need not complain or grumble. i have a job. i have health. i HAVE. I don't want to want... Lord, help.


I have been reading the Old Testament recently (that's hard for me, honestly). I want the obedience and acceptance that Moses had. Over and over again it was said... and he did just as the Lord commanded. I want that. I just want to follow. I just want to obey. The Lord says wait... I want to do that. The Lord says HOPE... I want to hope no matter what my flesh wants to complain about or grieve over.  I want to be an obedient and joyful woman no matter what my circumstances or opinions or wants are. He is ENOUGH. He is GOOD. I am weak and selfish and wanting... 

A Tribute to the Lindsey Jo

hApPy BiRtHdAy LiNdSeY jO!

This is Lindsey Jo. She is pregnant. She is married to Bryant. She is wonderful. she's a blogger too. Here is how I know her...

I met her at the University of Tennessee. She was my first real friend there. I actually tried to rush a sorority when i arrived (what was i thinking?). I decided to try out the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministry) instead, just to see. i walked in and met Lindsey Jo. it was love at first sight. the rest is history.

So... we knew each other for about 2 weeks... maybe 3. we spent everyday together. we loved it. i miss those days. one day we went to the cafeteria to eat together. lindsey jo looked at me and asked, "Do you want to be in my bridesmaid?"  i knew that lindsey jo was planning to get married that May, but a bridesmaid... my answer, of course... was YES! So, I called my mom told her i had a best friend and was going to be in her wedding. no one really understood. we did.  then ami and emily (above) were added to the lineup. then, they decided they couldn't wait until May... so they were married that December.  CRAZY! it was fabulous! except... the hair (please look!!!!!!) - love you ljo!

Here are more pictures that were taken along our friendship journey: 

She learned sign language because she loves me so.

here she is on my wedding day :)

These are only a few snapshots of our wonderful friendship.  I hope all of the women out there have a friend like lindsey jo. This woman is wonderful. i love her. her husband and her have recently accepted the opportunity to minister to the youth as the leaders at their church.  their church is a new church plant and God has chosen them for specific reasons to that faith community. pray for them. pray for passion and guidance. pray for her pregnancy and a healthy baby! 

i love her. i'm happy she was born. her friendship means so much to me. i'm thankful that we met, that i didn't have long hair so she would be my friend, and that she loves me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSEY JO.

yep... that's my dog

So... Walter... He's wonderful and clever... he still snores and bites and licks and runs and fetches and barks and all that.  But we found another talent he has. An ever so interesting talent -  de-noising the noisy toys. 

Two fatalities have been recorded so far - a sock monkey and an elephant.  Both given to her grand-dog by my wonderful mother :) 

 Here you see the monkey on the left. elephant on the right. In between them are the noise makers.  The backs of the animals have holes where Walter chewed. and chewed. and chewed. and chewed. stuffing was ripped out. and chewed. UNTIL the source of the noise was found, the perpetrator was found, and the mystery was solved! hilarious. 

Here are the sweet faces of the pitiful toys. 

And who is the murderer you might ask???

And that is my dog. It is only the beginning! LOVE IT! 

WORN OUT????

Do you ever feel tired? Do you ever feel like you just want to lock yourself in a closet and sit there? Or go on a walk with no cell phone and never return? Or just stay in bed for days? Have you ever felt EXHAUSTED?? Are you worn out??

Maybe you are worn out because of expectations you or others have set for yourself, all the times you say yes to do something else, because you are a mom, because of fear, because of worry, because of busy-ness, because of insecurities, because…

Paul while IN PRISON – he HAS to be worn out – tells us this:

8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith. Galatians 6:8-10

It is GOOD to be a mom, a sister, a wife, a daughter, a teacher, a nurse, a church member – don’t let it wear you out. Persevere with joy!

Maybe you are wondering how?? Maybe you just feel beyond worn out and you are just ready to give in. Maybe you feel nothing… dry.

28 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Our God is in complete control! He is good. He does not need sleep and doesn’t forget about you! He will RENEW YOUR STRENGTH!

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

8 Provisions for us worn out women – Angel Thomas (Extraordinary Women’s Conference)

1. The Presence of God restores – don’t neglect you time with Him even when you “don’t feel like it”

2. Sometimes we experience a divine WAIT before refreshment – don’t lose hope! Don’t stop praying! Don’t stop digging into the Word. If you fill empty… dig deeper!

3. The Sabbath rest is God’s gift to us – REST when you need to.

4. Jesus did not heal everyone or go everywhere – just because you want to do it all and are skilled to do it all, doesn’t mean you are CALLED to do it all. Do everything with all your heart but that doesn’t mean volunteering for every opportunity possible!

5. Jesus required physical, mental, and emotional rest – TAKE TIME TO YOURSELF!

6. Repentance leads to refreshing – Maybe you have things in your life that are weighing you down. Let it go! :)

7. If you walk in the good way, your soul will rest – don’t get caught up in gossip, in worry, in sin… that adds weight to your heart.

8. Godly friends restore your soul! – Hang out with friends who love the Lord! It makes your heart full! :)

58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Roots grow DEEP!!!

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:7

I love this imagery of ROOTS!!! I absolutely LOVE it! Our faith, dependence, and knowledge of HIM should grow deeper EACH day!! Roots DEPEND on the earth for nutrients for survival.  We should depend on our Savior like that. Our roots should not be dependant on our emotions, our situation, or our own self-sufficiency! Plants can survive in any climate and situation if their roots are deep enough and strong enough to sustain them-deserts, tropical rain forests, humid places, etc. Whatever your season of life, let your ROOTS grow DEEP! He will sustain you! His word is all the nutrients you need. He is enough! 

Let your lives be built upon it!!! He is our foundation.  I have learned a lot about foundations recently.  My hubby and I are trying to buy our first house. WHAT AN AWFUL PROCESS. We fell in love with this one house. Put a contract on it and had it inspected. The house... after futher examination... was not the perfect house we thought it was.  THE FOUNDATION WAS NOT SECURE! Yikes! There was cracks and water damage. My heart was broken. But my God, as usual, used it as a teaching tool.  Our lives must be built on the foundation, the ROCK, of Jesus Christ. His foundation doesn't give way in storms, in rain, and it won't crumble because of cracks. He is eternal. He is good. Build your life on Him.  Not the world. The world will crumble and will fade. He alone can hold you up in the craziness of life! 

His Word is truth! The more I know Him, the more thankful I become! :) He is my joy and strength and my best friend.   He is my peace and I overflow! I love this verse. It is good. KNOW HIM and let Him KNOW you!!  Look at the words to this song I have fallen in love with.  You can listen to it too, because I'm cool and put it on here!

To Know You

To know You is to never worry for my life

To know You is to never give into compromise and

To know You is to want to tell the world about You

‘Cause I can’t live without You

 

To know You is to hear Your voice when You are calling

To know You is to catch my brother when he is falling

To know You is to feel the pain of the brokenhearted

‘Cause they can’t live without You

 

More than my next breath

More than life or death

All I’m reaching for, I live my life to know You more

I leave it all behind, You’re all that satisfies To know You is to want to know You more To know You is to want to know You more

 

To know You is to ache for more than ordinary

To know You is to look beyond the temporary

To know You is believing that You’ll be enough

‘Cause there’s no life without You

All this life could offer me

Could not compare to You, compare to You

And I count it all as loss

Compared to knowing You, knowing You

All this life could offer me

Could not compare to You, compare to You And I count it all as loss

Compared to knowing You, knowing You And I count it all as loss

Compared to knowing You, knowing You



LaTeLy...

This is what's been happening lately in my life...

This is my clogging class I taught.  We recently had our recital!! They were wonderful!! They danced to "Boomin" by Tobymac and then a fashion medley - Vogue by Madonna, Glam by Christina Aguilero, My God's Enough by Lecrae!  I had to end it with Lecrae b/c we the girls' identity isn't found in looks and beauty but IN HIM!! :)

This is my family! I love them lots!! My Walter is getting so big... he is funny. less inside poops. lots of licking.  he snores. he walks with me.  he is great! I love my husband too! He doesn't poop in the floor - don't worry. he might lick and snore though!

These are the first Interpreter Training Program graduates from Troy University!!! Yay for Katelyn and Crystal!! They are wonderful and will be FANTASTIC interpreters and will impact the field in an amazing way! CONGRATS!

We went to the beach last weekend!!!! It was wonderful!! Here are the Morgans!

Here is my wonderful mommy! I'm so glad she came with us!! It was lovely to be with her!

Here are the brothers and sister-in-laws and baby Johanna (she's inside Ashley)! Love these people. They will be leaving for the mission field as soon as January! Pray.

Finally... my best friends will be graduating this week from the University of Tennessee.  I am super proud of them.  I can't believe we are all growing up. it's crazy. it's scary. we are moving into different chapters of our lives but i have no doubt that our friendship will grow and stretch into amazing things (including my lindsey jo and baby coker).  I love these ladies. they speak truth to me. they make me laugh. i could go on and on about them, but right now i just want to say CONGRATULATIONS you college grads! Welcome to the real world! :)

Em will be starting medical school soon for occupational therapy

Beck will be a REAL nurse in Virginia

Ames will be moving home to have a big girl job

LJo is going to be a momma

i love you all.

thank you for making my life beautiful.

To my family and friends who make my life joyful:

3 Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. 4 Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, 5 for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. 6 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

7 So it is right that I should feel as I do about all of you, for you have a special place in my heart.
Philippians 1:3-7



Things I Wish

I wish...

Money wasn't so important and that it actually grew on trees!!

My BFFs and I could all live in the same place...

I could go and do ministry as God called and not have to worry about real life responsibilities!!

Christ's love was evident in my life ALL THE TIME.  I wish my city would experience Jesus Christ in a REAL way and start a revolution

Chocolate, bread, and soft drinks didn't make you get fat!! I wish we couldn't get fat at all!

We could find a house!!!! Ugh.. one of the most frustrating things for an impatient person to experience!! I wish the Lord would put a HUGE FLASHING sign over the house He wants us to get!!!!

I wish many things. My heart is full of desires and passions and sometimes I feel I can't do them or express them because of the world we live in.  I want to see change.  I want to be one of the catalyst in the change. I want to GO. I want to DO. I wish... I wish... 

Today is a beautiful day. It is a new day!